Feeling
by ChristineGrey
Summary: Takes place after the Season 3 finale. Meredith has a feeling. That can only mean trouble! It's an ADDEX story with a little MerAlexfriendship CHAPTER 12: The last chapter, how is it gonna end?
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: Okay, this is my first fanfic! I'm really excited! Please review and tell me what you think. Reviews make me feel all warm inside! lol**

Sumary: Happens after "Didn't we almost have it all". Meredith has a feeling. That can only mean trouble! It's mainly about Alex and Addison ADDEX!! (Yes, I just can't give up on them yet!) and about MerAlex-friendship but other caracters will appear too sooner or later I promise!

Disclamer: I don't own Grey's or anything! It'd be heaven if I did though!

**Chapter 1**

A feeling can be described in many ways. Some are incredibly great and you never want them to stop. You want to keep those feelings forever, embrace them in your heart and never let go.

On the other hand there are feelings we can't wait to get rid off. Like the feeling of unreturned love. When you're the one who has fallen hard for someone you know you can't have. It's unbelievably painful – cruel even isn't it? We don't wanna feel that way and just want it to stop, right here, right now.

We can tell ourselves over and over again, that those feelings aren't real, that they're just imaginative but it's not that simple, is it?

And there were Mers "special" feelings. Those feelings she only felt when something big waited for her or someone she cared for. Because she was all dark and twisty inside, most of those "big" feelings were bad and not just "I'm-sure-a-patient-is-gonna-die-on-me-today-bad" even though that feeling would be the worst for most of us. But you all know which feelings we're talking about here. Someone very (mc)dreamy told her that they would pass if she just waited long enough. But obviously, that didn't work. Today at work it suddenly overcame her again.

_That feeling_

She dropped the chart she'd been holding on the floor and ran down the empty hallway towards the supply closet.

"Seriously, this can't be happening again. I don't believe this! Why me! Haven't I suffered enough this year?" She said to herself and started crying heavily.

She crouched down next to a shelve and started sobbing into her hands. She pressed them against her face when two big tears run down her cheeks and finally landed in her lap.

She just knew that something was approaching.

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How could he have been so stupid? Letting her go, telling her to be with the decent guy and not even being able to give her a reason to stay with him, even though he thoughtabout her a lot .

"I don't love her" He keeps telling himself.

"She was just a patient and now she's gone. She's back in that freaking village of hers with her freaking husband who didn't even care enough to go and look for her in the first place."

Just then he heard a very, almost too familiar voice behind him.

"Karev, we don't pay you for daydreaming so get to work and round on my patients!"

"Right of course Dr. Montgomery" he spat at her and didn't even bother to hide his annoyance. He turned to walk away but she quickly jumped around him and blocked the way he intended to leave.

"Listen Alex, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude or anything, it's just that you seem to be distracted lately. Is this about Ava or Rebecca or whatever her name is?"

She was wearing her sneakers and the dark blue scrubs she looked so good in. Alex looked down at her. This was one of the rare occasions he was actually taller than her because she wasn't walking around in heels. She obviously just got out of surgery. He stared at the beautiful redhead for a few seconds before he said something.

"I don't see how this concerns you Dr. Montgomery since you were the one who told me to go after her. But she's gone now isn't she? So guess what? You're great plan didn't work!"

She could feel that there was more he actually wanted to say but instead he grabbed a chart and walked down the hallway without even looking back once.

He was hurt and mad, even though he would never admit this to anyone. Yeah well maybe the mad-part, but definitely not the hurt-part. After all, he was still evil spawn Alex . But as his thoughts drifted off again he realised that the whole thing wasn't just about Ava, it was about Addison too. He still hadn't figured out how he felt about her and he knew that it was probably too late anyway. He had his chances with her and blew them. First he told her he wasn't interested (Hello! I mean who couldn't be interested in her? She's smart and hot!) and then, after the mind-blowing encounter in the on call-room, he turned her down again because he wasn't what she wanted.

"God, how stupid can one guy be? I probably should get a medal for that or something! I'm so pathetic" He thought.

But the thing was, he wasn't completely sure whether he hadn't already started turning into that guy. You know, the guy who plays catch and barbeques for his family. She had definitely changed him quite a bit already, why should that stop now?

"Hello?" An unfamiliar voice suddenly interrupted his daydreaming. AGAIN!

"And now I'm daydreaming all day long! I think I'm turning into a chick!"

He suddenly realised that he was standing in front of a foetal heart rate-monitor and stared at it like it was some kind of dessert he wanted to taste but couldn't, because it was protected by a glass counter.

"Sorry?" He turned towards the woman lying in her hospital bed.

"Is everything alright with my baby Dr. Karev? Because you're looking like something's wrong."

"No nothing's wrong! Sorry about that. Everything looks just fine" he assured her

"God" he thought to himself as he exited the patients room after reassuring her again that everything was okay and that Dr. Montgomery would proceed with the C-Section as planned.

"Now even my patients can see that I'm not on top of my game! These two chicks have invaded my brain and don't let me think of anything else anymore. I seriously have to clear my head after this shift!"

Of course Alex didn't have the "I-have-a-feeling-gift" Meredith possessed, so he was absolutely clueless about what was going to happen.

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After Alex left, Addison just stood there for a while, watching him walk down the hallway.

"God now look at me! The great Addison Montgomery staring after an Intern."

Well actually he's a resident now so…. No! no! BAD THOUGHTS, bad thoughts, get them out of your head Addison! It's not like he's interested in you anyway. It was just sex... good sex... Oh who was she kidding, it was perfect! She didn't think that he could really be so gentle and at the same time doing everything she needed just like they had done it millions of times before. But now he just wanted Ava and not her anymore.

"I mean I could help him get over her, but I don't wanna be his rebound girl. If he wants me he has to give me what I want too! Seriously, my knees are gonna be closed" She promised herself half-heartedly.

"God, I really think I'm loosing it! Fantasising about a relationship with an intern! Who am I? I'm turning into my ex-husband!"

She suddenly stormed down the hall into the exact opposite direction that Alex had left and found herself standing in a dark supply closet, not even bothering to turn on the light, her back pressed against the door and her eyes closed. She took a few deep breaths before lowering herself to the floor. It took her about a minute to realise that she wasn't alone. There was someone sobbing in the far end of the room, hidden behind a big shelve.

"Hello?" She called but got no response, except for another series of little sobs. She stood up gently, forcing her own issues to the back of her mind. She started walking towards the position the crying came from.

The bright lights from the hallway brought enough brightness into the closet for her to recognise the person in front of her. "Well this is just great!" She thought to herself as she spotted Meredith lying on the floor in a foetal position

"Dr. Grey, what's going on? Don't you have…" she wanted to finish her sentence but Mer cut her off.

"I have a feeling" she whispered.

"You have a feeling?"

"Something's gonna happen today and I can't stop it or do anything about it! I don't know what to do!"

"Well for starters you could get up from that filthy floor" _Great, now I have to deal with my ex-husbands hysterical 12-year-old girlfriend too! Someone up there really must think I'm Satan!_

She helped Meredith up and locked eyes with her.

"Listen Grey, we all get these feelings from time to time. We think that the world is gonna explode over our head but they always pass. We're doctors, we don't believe in fortune-telling or whatever it is you think you're doing because we are scientists, we believe in facts, so please stop telling your little story to everyone who walks into that closet! It'll only scare the patients! If you want to hide in here all day that's fine with me but there are interesting surgeries on the board and you could actually learn something!" She yelled at Meredith but didn't really care. She had her own problems to deal with. She gave Mer one final glance and walked out of the closet into the hallway.

"Okay, I've got work to do now. Sick moms, labouring moms and premature babies to take care of. No more thoughts will be wasted on Karev or Grey today. Only my patients are important." But by that time she already knew she'd break her own promise probably within 15 minutes. She tugged one of her red locks behind her ear whilst over viewing one of her patients charts. The rest of the day went over in a second and so far nothing bad had happened.

"Grey was wrong, who would have thought!" She thought sarcastically before starting her car and pulling out of the parking lot.

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Alex's day was the exact opposite of Addisons. Time seemed to stop every few minutes. He avoided Dr. Montgomery, which meant no surgeries to scrub in on for him, because Sloane hated his guts anyway and he didn't want to go into plastics anymore so it would have been a waste of time. At the moment he was hiding. Well, if someone asked he would deny that. His ego was still big, maybe not as big as it used to be, but still big enough. He did charts, ran labs, everything not to be confronted with the redhead again, which was kind of difficult, since he was on her service again. But the only difference between now and the first time he was assigned to her was, that this time, it had been his decision and not hers.

Anyway, he was just enjoying the comfortable piece and quiet of really old guys room when suddenly Meredith walked in.

"Great, more oestrogen for Alex" he sighed to himself. But then he realised that her eyes were red and swollen.

" Oh no, what did Shepherd do this time?"

"Nothing." Mer let herself fall into the chair next to Alex.

"Then why do you look like a beaten up puppy Grey?"

"Shut up Karev, I have a feeling! Something bad's gonna happen today! Plus Satan yelled at me in the supply closet when she found me there, because I told her I _had_ a feeling. Seriously, there's something wrong with that woman!"

At that Alex unconsciously dropped the pen he'd been holding which attracted Merediths immediate attention.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked "Why are you doing your charts in here? Don't you usually do them….. oh you're hiding from Addison!" Mer put the pieces together in her head rather quickly.

"That's why she went off on me! She really seemed to be pissed off! What did you do to her Alex?"

"What? I didn't do anything!"

"Liar! Come on Alex, you know I don't buy your crap! Is there something going on between the two of you?

"No!"

"Liar! You're nose is growing and you're blushing!"

Alexs lips formed a tiny smile which made Mer laugh. She actually laughed for the first time that day. She wanted to keep her mind off _those_ thoughts and went on.

"Tell me Alex, I need something to distract me!"

"First of all, stop calling me a liar! And second of all I swear to god if you spill any of this to anyone, and I mean it Grey, I'm going to empty all your Tequila-bottles into the sink because by now I know _all_ your hiding places in the house and that would probably really piss you off!"

"Okay fair enough, shoot!"

"I slept with her about 2 weeks ago"

"You WHAT? You had dirty McSex with Satan?" She paused, waiting for the first shock to pass. "And?"

"What and?"

"That can't be everything can it?"

Alex looked at her in astonishment. "You know, you should have become an interrogator instead of a surgeon Grey, you're way too nosy!" he smirked.

"Whatever! Spill!"

"After we had sex I rejected her. She went to L.A. and at the not-wedding she told me to go after Ava. She convinced me that I wanted Ava and not her. But when I got back to the hospital she had already left. So I went off on her earlier. That's it."

"So who _do_ you want?"

Alex took a moment to think before answering. "I don't know" He said in a gruff tone, indicating that this part of the conversation was over. "Hey do you and Izzie wanna have another Tequila-party at home tonight? Because unless the whole hospital knows about our little chat by the time we get off, there's plenty left at your house!" he threatened

"Sure thing, I'd drink myself into a coma right now just to make _that_ feeling go away!" She joked.

"Seriously Mer, you should just let it go. Bad things always have and always will happen. There's nothing you can do about that!" He told her and patted her head slightly. With that he continued reading his charts.

But after a few moments of comfortable silence Alex remembered something.

"Hey, a few months ago you had to choose between the vet and Shepherd right?"

"Yes"

He hesitated, knowing that this topic was way to female for his liking but also knowing that he couldn't ask anyone else.

"How did you know that Derek was the one? Because you seemed to be happy with Finn up until your sexathon in the exam room at prom."

"Hey! How do you know that?"

"Torres talkes too you know!" He added with a boyish smile.

"I…. I just knew! I wanted him to be the one all along and when he finally broke up with Addison…. I thought he was my knight in shining whatever. I thought I could have everything, you know, even the "happily ever after" part. But I guess I'm just too damaged for him, I can't give him what he wants, what he needs, what he deserves. Plus Cristina didn't get her "happily ever after" and" she started sobbing again "I'm just too dark and twisty oh and did I mention whiny!" Tears were making their way down her cheeks now and Alex felt a little bit overwhelmed with the situation. Where did that conversation go so wrong? What did he do to make her cry?

"Mer, okay you are whiny. That you definitely are, but you're not always dark and twisty. And don't think that you don't deserve the "happily ever after" part! Because even a miserable dirty ex-mistress does!" and just when he slowly ran out of words to comfort her, _I mean where the hell were Bambi and Izzie when you needed them? _his pager went off. He looked at it while Mers head rested on his left shoulder _At least I got her to stop crying._

"Sorry Mer, I gotta take this, it's 911! Are you gonna be okay?" He felt guilty about leaving her so suddenly but what other choice did he have?

"Yeah just go, don't worry about me I'm fine Alex, seriously!" He knew she wasn't fine, it was just her favourite thing to say. He stood up and left with the intention of coming back as soon as possible to check on her.

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**Ok people! Please let me know what you think! Love Christinexxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

A few hours and an emergency C-Section later, (Yes, at least one surgery for Alex today and thank god not with the ex-she-Shepherd) he was on his way out of the hospital. He still felt guilty about leaving Meredith on her own like that, but since they were living together now, he was able to check on her at home too. It was already dark and of course raining (I mean what else did Seattle really have to offer in terms of weather?). He quickly decided that it'd be best to go home right now and reduce Merediths Tequila-store. Maybe he'd be able to get his thoughts off the woman he'd been thinking of all day. Alex wasn't an avoider, he didn't hide from a fight or a discussion especially not with her. But this was different, this wasn't about the job, about patients or about him not fulfilling his intern/resident-duties. No, this was more difficult to handle.

"God, why does life always have to get so complicated when feelings are involved? Why can't it just be as simple as surgery? I mean, when you cut someone open you have a plan and you follow it through to the end without exceptions. Why can't life just work that way too?" But Alex had experienced enough, especially during his childhood, to know, that life wasn't fair and that it certainly wasn't always the way you wanted it to be.

Lost in his thoughts once more he turned another corner and nearly jumped up in his seat when he realised what was happening in front of him.

"Oh my god!" he whispered to himself.

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He froze for only a second before jumping out of his car, not even bothering to close the door. There was a multiple car crash right in front of his eyes. People were trapped in their vehicles, others were running around screaming for help as loud as they possibly could. Alex realised that that accident had just happened minutes or even seconds before he rounded the corner, because there were no police and no ambulances at the site yet. The road hadn't been secured either, so he took his cell out and dialled 911. Only a second passed before a woman picked up.

"This is Dr. Alex Karev. There has been a multiple car crash with at least 20 cars involved on…." he froze again when he suddenly recognised one of the cars involved in the accident.

"Dr. Karev are you still there?" He woman on the other end of the line asked.

"I... I gotta go, just send enough ambulances!"

He hung up and slowly approached the dark Mercedes. He was in shock, barely able to move his feet. He didn't care that he hadn't told the woman where the accident had happened. No, he couldn't think about that anymore, he was only able to think about _that_ car, that black Mercedes he just knew too well by now, _her_ car.

He put one foot in front of the other, unable to move quicker, knowing that the shock might become even bigger if it really was _her_ car.

"Please God please let this be someone else's car! There must be millions of Mercedes out there, please don't let this one be hers!" he begged. He wanted to run, he really did, but he couldn't. It seemed as though his feet had been glued to the wet asphalt. He was afraid and scared about what he might see in just a few moments. As he slowly got closer step by step he felt his heart rate increasing. Blood was rushing though his head.

The car he was aiming for was trapped between three others, so he had to climb over the left one to reach the drivers seat. His muscles ached when he pulled himself up onto the roof of said car. He then jumped off the roof and lowered himself to the window of the Mercedes.

He let out a sigh of relieve when he saw that Addison was conscious. She didn't realise that someone was there until she heard his voice asking her questions. She stared at him with her blue eyes, trying to get a clear picture of his face. But everything was blurry.

"Addison, are you okay? Did you hit you're head?" Alex asked. He immediately realised that her airbags didn't go off and started to feel worried. From what he was able to see in the bad light of the streetlamps she had a deep laceration on her forehead and blood was all over her, hiding her beautiful face. The door was stuck and she wasn't able to let down the window. He saw that tears were making their way down her face, slowly mixing with the almost dry blood on her cheeks.

He could see her forming the word "hurts" behind the window.

"Okay Addison, I'm gonna get you out of there okay? I need you to lie down though so I won't hurt you when I smash the window!"

She nodded and lay down as she was told.

Alex didn't hesitate. He let the Doctor-thinking take over and knew he had to get her to the hospital as fast as possible. He had to hit the window a few times with his right fist before it broke. He didn't even notice the pain in his hand and didn't see the blood on his fingers. All he could think about was Addisons wellbeing. He gently lifted her out of the car and scooped her up. _She could be seriously injured, even if she's alert now! _He thought as her head rested on his chest. Now that he looked down on her, he realised, that she had an open fracture on her right arm which had to hurt like hell.

"Alex?" she whispered as he carefully walked away from the car and towards the now approaching ambulances.

"My arm, ouuuuchhh" she screamed.

"Addison listen to me!" At that she forced her eyes to open again and looked into his. Even though all she wanted to do right now was sleep and make the pain go away. "I know your arm hurts, you've got an open fracture! Don't look at it okay! Anything else that hurts?"

"My head, I banged it on the steering wheel. At least I think I did, I... I don't really remember!"

"It's okay Addison, we're gonna take you to the hospital now." He said, trying desperately to comfort her.

"Okay" she cried.

Alex continued his walk towards the waiting ambulances.

"I need some help over here!" He called out to the EMT's. One immediately came over with a stretcher on which he carefully placed Addison.

"She needs to get to the hospital! Take her to Seattle Grace. She works there." Alex informed the young paramedic. "She's got an open fracture on her right arm and she banged her head on the steering wheel!" Another EMT took Addisons arm and started an IV. She hated needles and tried to pull her good arm back but Alex took her left hand into his, holding the arm still so the EMT could proceed.

"Can you please give me something for the pain?" Addison said quietly, not having any power in her voice like she usually did. When no one answered to her whispering she found the strength to sit up. Or at least she tried to sit up. But Alex was quicker and pressed her shoulders back down.

"You have to lie still Addison! You are the patient today!" he reminded her sternly. "They'll get you something for the pain. Just lie still, please!"

She nodded and took his right hand with her left. When she gave it a light squeeze he jumped back and looked down at his hand, realising for the first time that it was bleeding and hurting agonizingly.

"Fuck, I must have cut it when I smashed the car window! Damn it!" He took the gauze offered to him by one of the paramedics and wrapped it around his hand.

"You should come with us and have that checked out at the hospital Doc, you might need stitches!"

"No I'm fine! Just go and take Addison to Seattle Grace, I'm gonna go and help the other victims, you can use me here!" He said and looked down at Addison.

"You always have to play the hero, don't you?"

"Only if I have to, you're gonna be fine, just let them take you to the hospital now and don't be a pain in the ass! Just let the others take care of you!"

He helped them loading her up and as soon as they'd left, he took the gauze off and checked out his still bleeding hand. There was a deep cut across his knuckles but he couldn't really see it that well since it was dark and still raining.

"Someone help me please!" He heard a voice screaming not too far away from where he stood.

"Where the hell are the rest of the ambulances and EMTs?" Alex said to himself when he looked around. Then he started running into the direction the screaming came from. He had to help that person. She was clearly in need of help. That was all he could, or maybe forced himself to think about. Because if he had gone back to the hospital with her, he'd only be thinking about how bad she might be injured and he didn't want that. He stopped in front of a burning truck when he suddenly heard the explosion, fire reflected in his eyes. Alex found himself flying a few feet until his body hit concrete. Everything was moving in slow motion. He felt how the back of his head landed on something hard and lost consciousness immediately. Everything was black.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**First of all, I wanna say thank you to everyone who reviewd! It helps me write faster, so keep it up! **

**and a BIG Thank you goes to Suz who beta-read this for me! You rock girl!**

**And last but not least, I wanna dedicate this chapter to my best friend Christa who had her big exam a few days ago and is now a full-fledged pediatric nurse! I'm so proud of you sweety! I hope you enjoy reading the chapter (It's been up for some time now, but I know you didn't get a chance to read it before today). It means so much to me that you bother reading this story, even though you don't understand everything! Ha di ganz fescht gärn (that means "love you")**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Addison lay still on her gurney for the entire ride like Alex would have wanted her to. She didn't dare to be a pain in the ass as he had so gracefully put it just a few minutes ago. She was drugged now, so she didn't even feel the injuries gracing her arm anymore. It was definitely weird being examined by the EMTs and not doing the examination herself as she was used to. But if it hadn't been for the shrill sound of the siren, she probably would have been asleep by now, that's how high she was. When she opened her eyes the light above her started to swirl and she felt like she was riding a carousel.

But suddenly, even through all the pain meds she had been given, her heart started stinging and she knew something terrible had just happened. She didn't know why, but she just knew it.

"Alex" she gasped and with that she got the EMTs attention.

"What is it Dr. Montgomery?"

Then the pain subsided as quickly as it came but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

"Alex, something's wrong with him!" She told the anxious looking paramedic.

"He stayed behind to help the other victims. I'm sure Dr. Karev's just fine!" Was her answer.

Addison was too tired to argue, and she secretly knew, that it was a waste of time anyway. She had to tell someone at Seattle Grace. They'd believe her. She lay still for another minute or so until they finally arrived. When Addison lifted her head a little, she was able to see that the door was wide open and she meet with a bunch of people expecting her, among them a shocked looking Derek, an even more shocked looking Callie and a random intern she didn't know. But even the intern looked wide eyed.

"Oh my God, Addison" Callie and Derek said practically synchronously.

"What happened?" Callie asked the paramedic while taking Addisons left hand into hers. She squeezed it lightly just to let her know that someone was there for her now.

"Mass car pile up. She hit her head on the steering wheel and has an open fracture on her right arm. Vitals are stable but we couldn't rule out other injuries. It's pretty chaotic!"

"I know, we've just sent a trauma team to the site" Derek told him. He helped them to roll Addison into Trauma-Room 1.

"You got it from here Doc? Because I gotta get back there!"

"Sure, that's ok" Callie told him and turned to face Addison. "I'm going to take a look at you're arm now okay?"

Addison nodded slightly. She was glad that Callie and Derek were there to take care of her. But she had to tell them about the feeling she had a few minutes ago.

She would of course leave out the part about her heart stinging because there was nothing wrong with it, she'd just had a feeling, that's all and she didn't need them to worry about that too. Because she knew they would! Whilst Callie was checking out her arm she turned her head to look at Derek who was shooing the Intern away, barking at her to get the blood work stared.

"Derek I…" she had to concentrate really hard to form the words in her head. "I think…… there's something wrong with Karev."

They both looked up and starred at her. "Why would you say that, Addie? Was he there with you? Was he in the car with you when the accident happened?" Derek asked in a huff.

Addison wasn't expecting to have so many questions fired at her from her ex-husband about Alex.

She clenched her eyes shut before forcing herself to open them again.

"Yes,…. he was there. He stayed behind to help……I…I..think something happened" she stuttered "I just have a feeling!"

"Well that would explain why he didn't answer his pages then. We just sent Meredith, Miranda, Stevens and Yang as our trauma team to the site. He was supposed to join them too but he didn't come in!" Derek explained to her.

"But I'm sure he's alright Adds. You have to stop worrying about Karev now and let us take care of you okay?"

Addison nodded again. _Damn it, I thought they would help me! I guess I was wrong. _

Derek leaned over her head, checking the reaction of her pupils the way she had seen him do so many times with other patients.

"We need to get an x-ray of her arm Dr. Shepherd." Callie informed him after finishing her examination.

"I'm really sorry Addison, but it looks like you're gonna need surgery. I don't think I'll be able to fix that without it."

Addison just looked at her friend, her mind was completely blank. _What did she just say? No, I don't need surgery, I'm fine, completely fine really!_

"Okay. And I want a CT just to rule out any internal injuries but I think you're lucky Addie. It looks like you only have a concussion."

_What? No he didn't just call me lucky, did he? I'm 39 years old, divorced, alone, infertile_ _and I just had a feeling that something has happened to my…._

She didn't know what he was, she couldn't find the right word to fill that gap with. Not yet anyway.

_And god knows how long it'll be before I can pick up a scalpel again because of that freaking broken arm!_

When Derek left the room to call CT, Addison turned to Callie who was sitting on a chair next to the exam table.

"Callie" she muttered, "when Alex get's back, can you take a look at his hand? He hurt it pretty badly when he.."

"What is it Addison?" Callie asked her, urging her to continue.

"When he smashed the car window with it and rescued me" she told her friend and blushed a little.

That was a good thing because she was so pale when they brought her in. Some colour suited her better were Callie's thoughts when she noticed. She knew that there'd be other times to ask her friend about the feelings towards her ex-Intern.

"Okay, I'll do that when he gets back!" she assured her. "I'm gonna take you up for your CT now."

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Meredith, Izzie and Cristina sat on one side of the ambulance, Dr. Bailey with a lot of supplies on the other.

"Okay people, you know what to do, you've done it already once this year."

There was a moment of silence. Tense silence. An uncomfortable silence.

They all thought about the tragic accident that had lead to Meredith's near-death-experience.

"This is gonna be smaller though, but we're still gonna have our hands full because we're the only trauma-team sent by a hospital in Seattle!" she informed her former interns

"I had a feeling that something like this would happen today." Meredith whispered into Cristinas ear.

"You know what? I'm really glad you had that feeling, now I finally get my chance too! I'm so glad Evil Spawn didn't answer his pages!"

"Oh shut up, that's not funny, something could have happened to him!" Izzie glared at Cristina.

"Whatever Barbie, I'm just saying, that I deserve some distraction. Hey _I_ just got stood up at the altar! Me! I should have just dumped him when I had the chance to! I mean…"

But Cristina didn't get to finish her sentence because they had just arrived at the site and the doors sprung open.

Just then they heard an explosion from around the corner.

"Oh my god" Meredith almost screamed. She looked back at Cristina and Izzie who looked terrified.

"Okay everyone, take a kit and off you go! Oh and don't make me regret taking you three with me!"

Mer and Bailey immediately ran into the direction the explosion came from. For a quick second she was really impressed by how fast Bailey was able to sprint with her short legs. When they rounded the corner they saw a person lying on the street and as they got closer, both of them held their breaths.

The person lying in front of them was Alex.

----------------------------

"Alex, ALEX, can you hear me?" Meredith asked as she kneeled down next to his head, putting one hand on his forehead and pressing two fingers of the other hand on his carotid artery, checking for a pulse.

"Pulse is weak Dr. Bailey."

He kept slipping in and out of consciousness when they found him. There was a pool of blood behind his head but that wasn't the only problem. From what they could see, he had a dislocated shoulder and a broken leg

but worst of it, a plate of metal was stuck out of his chest.

When Meredith turned around she could see the truck. The truck that had exploded right in front of her friend. It was still burning and had a sign on the door. It said _happy building company_.

"Great, I'm really happy right now!" She thought to herself sarcastically when she turned back to concentrate on Alex.

"Grey! Start an IV! NOW! He needs fluids! He's loosing blood! Do it!" Bailey snapped at her and took Alexs head between her own hands when Meredith moved away to get the IV started.

"Karev, you have to stay with us! Don't give up! We're gonna get you to the hospital! Stay with me! Can you open your eyes? Alex?" She took it as a good sign when is eyes flickered open at the sound of her voice.

Alex heard her, the familiar voice he had heard bossing him around so many times before.

"Keep talking to him Grey, he needs to stay conscious!" she ordered when she moved to stabilise his broken leg for transport.

"Alex?"

Another voice he knew, but he couldn't open his eyes again to look at her. It was like they were glued together.

"Mer" was the only thing he got out before the rest of the words he actually wanted to say got stuck in his throat. But somehow he didn't feel any pain. It was like he wasn't himself anymore.

"Oh my god, ALEX!"

Another shrill and shocked voice he immediately recognised as Izzie grabbed his hand and squeezed it a little to hard for his liking. He gave a quick groan and she dropped it as if she was touching a hot tray of muffins without her baking gloves. She felt something wet on her hand and looked down on it.

It was full of Alex's blood.

"Oh my god, Oh my god" Izzie panicked.

"Stevens, go and treat some other patients, I can't use you here! GO!" Bailey ordered. But Izzie froze and just stood there whilst Meredith, who seemed to be over her first shock by now, and Bailey took care of Alex. She looked down on the man lying there helplessly and probably scared out of his mind.

"He's strong, he's gonna get through this, he's strong, he's strong enough!" Izzie assured herself.

She watched as Meredith and Dr. Bailey, with the help of two EMTs, carefully placed Alex on a gurney and got into the next ambulance. She could hear the sound of the sirens slowly fade away and was left with her own fearful thoughts and a bunch of people who needed treating.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks again to everyone who reviewed! I really appreciate it. Please keep it up! **

**Suz: Thanks for beta-reading!**

**Only 15 days till the season premier! Yay!**

**So, this chapter is about Alex. I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Alex's eyes fluttered open only to close them again because of the bright neon light which was shining down on him. It was giving him a headache.

He felt the cold scissors on his skin, gliding up his leg, carefully cutting his pants and then his shirt. An oxygen mask was placed over his nose and mouth to help him breathe.

_What the hell? I don't need that stupid mask! I can breathe just fine! I AM fine! Seriously! he thought to himself._

Meredith put gauze on his head, trying to still the bleeding wound with that process.

_Why would she wrap my head with that? My head is fine! I only have a little headache! he thought._

He slowly lifted his left arm to remove the oxygen mask from his face.

"Just a headache" was the only thing he was able to mutter into Meredith's ear before Dr. Bailey moved the mask back over his mouth.

"You need to keep that on Alex!" She ordered in a tone that made him surrender immediately. They kept wrapping him with gauze. His head, his hand and his chest, but the bleeding around the metal just wouldn't stop.

"He probably needs to be transfused, he's lost a whole lot of blood so far." Bailey told Meredith when she placed her stethoscope on Alex's chest to check on his heartbeat.

Alex felt Meredith's fingers wrapping around his wrist, checking his pulse.

That was the first time he realised how serious his situation was.

He could see it in their eyes as he fought to keep his own open. They couldn't hide the worry. Their faces may have looked emotionless, or even hopeful, but their eyes didn't. They looked at him like he was already dead meat. And even through all the pain meds he'd been administered so far, he felt his head pound harder with every heartbeat.

"It's gonna be okay Alex." Meredith put her cold hand on his forehead, stroking it slightly with her index finger. "You're gonna be okay."

"You don't know that." He whispered through the mask, barely audible for them.

"I know, but it's just what you say."

Alex shut his eyes again until they came to a halt and the doors were opened.

_Damn it, I was just about to fall asleep and now they have to move me AGAIN? What's wrong with you people, why can't you just leave me alone?_ He rambled to himself.

He couldn't think rational anymore but he didn't know whether it was due to the drugs or the terrible headache that seemed to get worse with every passing second. It gave him a hard time.

He kept his eyes shut when they lifted him out of the ambulance, wishing he could just disappear.

"It's Karev!" He heard Bailey's calm voice telling the person who was approaching them. He guessed that, from the sound of the footsteps running towards them, he was surrounded by no less than 6 people by now.

"Jeez, what happened? Alex?"

_Great, don't tell me that O'Malley's the Intern on my case! So he gets to play the hero again I guess! But I don't wanna be stuck in an elevator with him ever again, especially not when I'm the patient! _Alex was still too embarrassed about the heart-in-the-elevator-thing. He couldn't admit that he actually chickened out.

"A motor engine exploded right in front of him. He's lost a lot of blood, has at least one fracture and a dislocated shoulder from what I can tell and some burns on his arms and face. Page Callie! Oh and that metal plate might be penetrating his heart, so page Burke too!" Bailey shouted at a nurse, who helped them guide the gurney into the same trauma room Addison had been examined in only minutes earlier.

"Clear head trauma too, you want to take a look at that Dr. Shepherd!"

Derek leaned over him. "Can you hear me Alex? Can you open your eyes for me?"

He focused hard and opened his eyes only to see a concerned looking attending

_Oh yeah, that had to be Shepherd, only he has that much hair! I still don't get why the girls call him "McDreamy" I mean come on, he's not that hot……. Oh my god! Did I just think that? I'm loosing it! HELP! _

"Pupils are reactive." Derek called out when he finished his examination.

Alex could feel someone placing electrodes on his bare chest. The cold material sending shivers through his whole body.

"He needs a blood transfusion! George, hang 2 units of B positive! Do it O'Malley!" Bailey commanded. George took the two bags full of blood and started fiddling with Alex's IV, allowing the blood to access his body.

Alex started to panic now. _Blood? I don't need a transfusion… I am fine!_

Meredith noticed how Alex's eyes started gliding from one side of the room to the other and quickly moved to take his left hand into hers while Bailey examined his right one.

"The cut on your knuckles is deep, you're gonna need stitches there, but I don't think that anything's broken. We need an x-ray though, just to be on the save side." Bailey told him, but he didn't hear her and the didn't care. He focused every ounce of energy that was left in his body to ask

"Addison?" He turned towards Meredith who was still squeezing his hand. Telling him that she was there for him without even speaking the words.

"No Alex, it's me! Meredith."

_I know!_

Derek realised that that wasn't the answer he wanted.

"Addison's fine Alex. She only has a minor concussion. Her CT shows no internal injuries and we're still waiting for her x-ray to see whether she needs surgery or not."

_There it is! Thank you!_

"But we have to focus on you now!" Derek told him when Burke entered the room.

"God, how did that happen?" He asked. Bailey quickly filled him in.

"We need a CT as soon as possible" was Burke's statement after he finished examining Alex himself.

"I can hear a heart murmur, which means the metal is pressing on or puncturing his heart."

Thanks to the transfusion his blood pressure had risen again. However, his stats were still anything near good, but they couldn't take him to the OR without the said CT. They would be flying blind without it and he wasn't going to risk that.

"Grey, take him! GO!" Burke ordered.

"I'll go with you." Bailey told her and they started moving the gurney towards the elevators without Alex's protest. He decided that he wasn't gonna fight to stay awake anymore.

He knew she was safe and not too badly injured. That's all he wanted: To know that she was gonna be okay.

"Man, he's in bad shape. " Burke said looking at Derek.

"Yeah, Addison said he stayed behind and didn't come in with her because he wanted to help, and that's what he gets! Karma was definitely not on his side tonight! Let's just hope he pulls through."

"Yeah!" Burke replied, knowing that he was gonna hold this young surgeons life in his hands. It made him feel a little bit uneasy. It was always different when the person lying on the table wasn't a stranger.

Ten minutes later they all met in the CT room to look at Alex's upcoming scans. The tension in the room could easily be cut with a knife. They all knew they had to get him into the OR as fast as possible. Even though everyone wanted to say something, nobody dared to speak. It was dead quiet in the little room. Only the tense breathing of the surgeons could be heard. They just waited in silence, everyone drowning in their own thoughts until the scans appeared on the screen.

"Okay, looks like his head got lucky. I can't find a bleeder on his head CT!" Derek announced to crowded room. "Good thing he's always that stubborn I guess!" he added with one of his most charming McDreamy smiles and nodded towards Meredith. She was hiding behind Burke, trying to stay as far away from him as she could. Their relationship was still undefined. They hadn't really had a chance to talk and Meredith wasn't sure whether she wanted to have that talk or not, because she was an avoider. And the fact that she chose to hide behind Burke, who wasn't really in her good book either, ever since he dumped _her person_ at the altar, spoke for itself.

Derek's smile widened even more when his last comment about Alex's stubbornness earned some chuckles from the others. Bracing himself again he continued.

"But there'll obviously be a massive concussion. He's gonna need to be monitored very closely after surgery."

"Yeah that's ……" Bailey broke off her sentence when she saw what she had hoped not to see.

"It's going directly into his heart." Miranda stated and felt a big lump in her throat.

"Okay, let's get him into surgery people! Move!" Burke said, rising his voice over all the chattering that was going on by now.

"Who's scrubbing in with me?"

"I am" Bailey said "Grey is too emotionally involved and O'Malley's a friend too. Plus Alex was my intern until just a few days ago. I still feel responsible for him."

Even though they gave Miranda a hell of a time during their internship, Karev, Grey, Stevens and Yang were always like really annoying, bad-behaved kids to her. They still did stupid things sometimes, but they had grown quite a bit over the last year.

She gave Meredith and George a sympathetic look and went on.

"Come on Grey, let's tell our patient what's going to happen."

Meredith nodded in agreement and they went in to get Alex out of the CT very carefully.

"Alex? Alex can you hear me?" Bailey asked. Alex's eyes flung open, tearing him out of his reverie about a certain redhead he just couldn't get out of his mind. But that seemed to be the only thing distracting him from the still persisting headache.

"What?" he murmured. He thought his head was gonna explode any second now.

"Your CT showed no head bleed…"

_Well that's just great, I hoped they were gonna cut my head open to tread that freaking headache! _

"But you do need surgery! The metal plate is going directly into your heart, which is why we have to take you to the OR immediately! Dr. Burke is going to operate on you, so you're in good hands and I'm gonna assist him." Bailey told him while rolling the gurney into the elevator to get to the surgical floor.

Alex turned his head a little and looked up at Meredith. She hadn't spoken a word since Bailey informed him about his condition.

"It's gonna be okay Alex, we're gonna take good care of you, promise! I'll see you when you wake up! She assured him when she saw that his puppy-dog eyes had widened. Meredith gave his hand one last squeeze before she let go of it. She stood back when Bailey pushed the gurney into the OR.

They gently lifted him off the gurney and on the operating table. Whilst they prepped him quickly for surgery, his eyes flew over the various equipment of the OR, knowing exactly what each an every one did and also knowing what was going to happen in just a few minutes. He saw Burke and Bailey in the scrub room getting ready.

He wasn't supposed to lay on this table surrounded by nurses. No, he was supposed to do the cutting!

_At least now I know how our patients feel like, when they're lying on the table." He thought and was glad that he was at least gonna learn something from this experience. _

He was hooked up to all the monitors and turned his head away, when he saw that they prepped his intubation. Just then Burke walked into the room. His arms held out in front of him, signalising that he was sterile.

"Okay Karev, you know the drill. Breathe in the happy-gas and count backwards from ten for me. " He gave Alex an assuring nod.

He felt someone taking his left hand. It was Dr. Bailey.

"Do it Alex and we'll see you when you wake up!" She said sympathetically

He nodded and began.

"10"

The mask was placed over his mouth and nose.

"9"

He looked up at Dr. Bailey.

_I think I've never seen her that nice and caring before!_

"8"

His eyes started blinking whilst he fought the urge to sleep.

"7"

"Addison?" He uttered

"6"

He locked up at the gallery.

"5"

_I this a dream already?_

"4"

There she was, sitting in the gallery, starring down at him.

"3"

_Wasn't she supposed to be in surgery too?_

"2"

_What the…._

Alex stopped fighting and fell into a deep sleep.

TBC

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I hope you liked it! Please leave reviews! For all Addie-fans: The next chapter will be dedicated to her! 


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! It makes me smile every time I read them again! **

**Suz: Thank you so much for beta reading again! I really appreciate it! **

**This chapter is about Addison. It takes place at the same time as chapter 4. I hope it's not confusing and also hope you enjoy it! And please please leave a review!**

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**Chapter 5**

Callie had taken Addison up to radiology for her CT, which _"luckily"_ didn't show any internal injuries.

That was the second time someone had called her "lucky" that night. She didn't know why it upset her this much, seeing as she really should be happy about being alive. Every single sane person on this freakin planet would be happy just to live, but apparently not her. She sat in her wheelchair, her arm heavily bandaged and a band aid on her face, covering the lacerated wound on her forehead, where she had banged her head against the steering wheel. She'd certainly soon, too soon for her liking, get a big bump. She nestled a little deeper into the uncomfortable chair and starred down the hallway, avoiding Callies glances. It was quiet. Her friend had taken her down to the lab. Now they were waiting for her x-ray to be delivered. Neither of them spoke a word.

After about twenty minutes of unbearable silence, which was only interrupted twice by Callies pager going off, she couldn't take it anymore.

"Are you okay Addison?"

"Yeah I'm okay! Why wouldn't I be okay? She said when Callies pager went off again. "Don't you have to answer that?" Addison said, hoping to change the subject as fast as possible.

"No, I'm fine right here, I'm not gonna leave you alone, you need a friend here with you!"

"But what if it's something important? What if it's…" she broke off when the pain slowly began to kick in. First on her arm, then in her head.

"Ouch" she whined. "I think the meds are wearing off Callie!"

It seemed as though every part of her body stated to ache. There were certainly gonna be some very bad bruises in every possible color on parts of her body where no one wanted to have very big ugly hurtful bruises.

"Okay, let's get you some morphine!"

After Callie provided the promised medication, she took the x-ray from the laboratory technician and hung it on one of the light boards. She studied it for a minute before turning back to face Addison.

"Okay, it's official, I've got to do surgery. You've got a compound fracture. Do you see that?" She said, pointing on the x-ray. "We're only able to fix that in the OR." She informed her friend in a sympathetic tone.

Addison didn't even bother to look up at her x-ray. Instead she turned her head, facing the still empty hallway.

"Whatever you say." She uttered when she felt tears welling up in her eyes, only waiting for their permission to be released. At the same time she knew that Callie was about to repeat the question she had asked her not long ago, which would definitely release them.

"Addison, are you sure you're okay?"

_Here it was_

"Would you please just stop asking me whether I'm fine or not! I'm fine, totally okay! Will you please just stop!" She snapped trying desperately to hold the tears back.

"Whoa sorry! I just thought that…, well maybe you're not fine because you just had a major car crash? Maybe you're not fine because Karev isn't back yet and you had a "feeling" that something had happened to him or maybe it's because you need surgery on your 2-milion-dollar-a-year-arm!"

Callie stopped and kneeled down in front of Addison, when she started crying uncontrollably.

She just couldn't hold the tears back anymore. The strength she usually possessed was gone. Vanished into nowhere.

"I'm sorry Callie, I didn't, I don't I…. I'm just so freakin tired and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you! Damn it, I mean you're the only friend I've got in this place! I don't want to piss you off too! And I know that you're good enough to fix my arm! I trust in you as a friend and as a surgeon Callie! I really do! I'm sorry about that."

"No I'm sorry Addison, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that! You just went through a major trauma and it's not my place to yell at you. And I AM your friend, I'm always gonna be there for you I promise!"

"It's just" Addison muttered, "what if he's in danger?"

Callie locked eyes with Addison and took her left hand with hers. She didn't even have to ask who "he" was.

"You really care about him don't you? It's not just a crush is it?"

Addison was just about to open her mouth to respond, when she spotted Derek walking slowly down the hallway towards them. She quickly wiped the tears away with the sleeve of her hospital gown. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her vulnerable like this. But it was probably already too late to try and hide it.

She wasn't herself at the moment. No, she was a sulky, dark, exhausted, like-crap-looking mirror image of the Addison who was considered one of the foremost neonatal surgeons in the US.

And that feeling she had in the pit of her stomach, only grew stronger when she could finally make out Dereks face as he closed the remaining space between them.

The serious expression on his face was unbearable. She wanted to ask but couldn't part her lips to speak. She felt paralyzed, not able to move, not able to take her eyes off of Dereks.

He started talking immediately, not wanting to keep her waiting any longer. He had noticed. He knew that Karev meant a lot to her, a lot more than a student usually should mean to a teacher and that she needed to know what was happening. He kneeled down in front of the wheelchair next to Callie and looked up at her with his puppy-dog eyes. The eyes she fell for so many years ago.

"Addison, I have to tell you something. It's about Alex." He began.

The mention of his name alone sent shivers up and down her spine. Addisons eyes widened.

"Wh- What's going on Derek?" She stuttered. Trying to sound casual but doing a terrible job at hiding her fear.

"He was hurt, I'm sorry Addison!"

_There it was. The biggest pain of all. More painful than any physical pain could ever be. _

Her face was white, drained of all blood. She was even paler than when she got in with the ambulance, if that was possible. And if she wasn't already seated, she was sure she would have fainted right then and there.

Those words hit her like a ton of bricks.

_No, that can't be. He's kidding me right? That's just a cruel joke isn't it? _she thought, her eyes darting from Dereks to Callies for support.

It wasn't just a nightmare or a joke. No, everything she feared had come true. This was the sucking reality.

"How did it happen?" Callie asked on Addison's behalf. She sensed that her friend wanted to know, but just couldn't muster the courage to ask.

"A motor-engine exploded in front of him. He's got a shard of metal going directly into his heart and lost a lot of blood. They just took him into surgery. Burke and Bailey are going to operate on him." Derek told them as fast as possible. He would have thought that Addison was going to react somehow to his statement about Alexs condition. But she didn't. She just sat there.

She was frozen, not even blinking once. Shock was setting in, bringing some nausea with it.

Thinking about all the possible complications of a surgery like that. Knowing everything that could go wrong.

It definitely wasn't an advantage to be a surgeon right then. No she'd rather be someone who hadn't a clue about all of that.

"Oh my god!" Callie responded to the bad news. But she was the only one who spoke.

Addison let Dereks words sink in, desperately trying to find a loophole, something that indicated that he was in fact dishonest and that he just made it sound worse than it was, but she couldn't find anything, nothing. _Damn it… it had to be true_.

With a sudden movement she got up, but regretted that action the moment her head started hammering.

"Take me to him!" She ordered, as she carefully sat back down in her wheelchair, pressing her left hand against her temple in a failing attempt to stop the throbbing that was penetrating her head.

"He's in surgery, you can't see him right now Addie, you know that! I'm sorry." Derek said softly.

"Yes I know that Derek!" She responded angrily. The last thing she needed right now, was a lecture from her ex. "At least take me to the gallery, so I can watch!"

"I don't know if that's such a good idea Addison." Callie intervened. "We should get you to the OR too. That arm can't wait forever." She explained with a certain amount of concern in her voice. But Addison just couldn't leave it be.

_It is my damn fault that he's hurt. I should have told him to come back with me in the ambulance. I have to see him_ she thought.

"He saved my life for gods' sake! And now he's hurt and I can't do the same for him. I have to know he's gonna be okay. Callie please!" She begged, a single tear rolling down her cheek and landing in her lap.

Callie couldn't stand to see her friend suffering like this and gave in.

"Okay, we can go, but only for a couple of minutes. I really need to fix your arm." Callie told her sympathetically.

Addison nodded in agreement.

Before Callie could wheel Addison down to the OR floor, Derek took her elbow, leading her a few feet away from Addison, whispering in her ear.

"I know you didn't answer your pages because you needed to be with Addison, but we really need you to take a look at Karves x-rays. He's got a dislocated shoulder and a broken leg." Callie swallowed hard. "So I guess the cut on his hand really is the smallest of his problems." She thought when she returned to where Addison was seated, continuing to push her down to the OR without saying another word.

With every step they got closer to the door leading up to the gallery Addison felt number and emptier. When they finally arrived Callie helped her up the little stairs until they entered the gallery. Addison would have thought that Alexs intern-friends were gonna be there, but they were only surrounded by complete emptiness. Was she really the only one who cared about him? Maybe. She didn't know.

She got closer to the window and her heart skipped a beat the moment she looked down on him.

Normally the interns would sit up here eagerly looking down on the operating field, trying to take in every movement that the surgeon in charge performed. Their eyes were glued to the bloody area, cursing under their breaths and asking themselves why they couldn't be down there assisting on that surgery. Their eyes wouldn't pay any attention to the actual patient. No, they'd only care about the procedure.

Even Addison used to be like that as an intern, but this was as different as anything could be.

She couldn't get herself to look down on his chest, instead she fixed her eyes on his. He was obviously just about to be put under, the mask was already placed over his mouth and nose. Just then his eyes shoot up to the gallery and they locked onto hers. What really was only a split second, felt like hours to her. She could have watched his eyes forever. Just sitting there and watching his chocolate eyes would have been enough for her. But then they closed. The connection they had built up broke and he drifted off to sleep.

Addison couldn't take it anymore. She turned her head away, facing the gray wall on her right when they intubated him, telling herself that everything was gonna be okay, that he was in good hands. Trying desperately to stay positive, but at the same time admitting to Callie what she'd been thinking ever since Derek broke the news to her.

"This is all my fault!"

Callies gaze turned to look at Addison.

"If I hadn't been stupid enough to get into that car accident, he wouldn't be down there." She confined in her friend. Tears started rolling down her cheeks and she let herself fall to the floor, pressing her back against the wall, not even wasting a thought on her broken arm. She still sobbed into her left hand when Callie crouched down in front of her and took it away from her face, forcing Addison to look at her.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery, none of this, and when I say none of this I mean NONE of this, is your fault. You can't possibly be blaming yourself for everything that happened tonight. You both were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, do you understand me?"

Addison gave a small nod that didn't quite satisfy Callie. But that had to do for now.

"Okay Addie, we have to get YOU into surgery now." she ordered. "From this moment on I'm not your friend anymore, I'm your surgeon. So let's go and cut you open!" She smiled down at Addison.

Addison obliged to that, finally letting rational thinking take over her brain again. She knew she couldn't do anything for Alex right now, other than wait and take care of herself, so that she could take care of him later.

"Okay, let's go and cut me open!" Addison agreed, trying to sound cheerful. But deep down the picture of Alex lying there, vulnerable and hurt, burnt itself into her guts and into her brain.

Whilst Callie prepped her for surgery, she tried extremely hard to storage said picture into the back of her head, never wanting to see it again in her life, never wanting to feel what she felt when she watched him from the gallery again. She really really tried, but every time she closed her eyes, it came back and there was nothing she could do about that.

When they were ready to roll, Addison looked up at Callie and asked her to get the only thing that could stop the picture from returning.

"Can you please put me under general anesthesia Callie?" She asked.

"I just want to go to sleep and not think about what's happening to…" _her boy-mancandy-intern-resident-collegue-friend or whatever._ She added silently. But Callie understood.

"Sure, if you want, we can put you under!" She assured her mate. "You've been through enough trauma tonight, you don't need to see me setting your bones too! Even though I hoped to have someone I could gossip with on the table. That would have been fun!" She smiled whilst stroking Addison's forehead slightly with one finger, being mindful of the band-aid covering the laceration.

"Okay then, I'm gonna scrub in now and I'll see you when you wake up." She told her as the nurse wheeled her into the OR and nodded towards the anesthesiologist, giving him permission to proceed. Addison wasn't even able to say "ten" before she fell into a deep sleep, just like Alex had a few minutes ago.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi to you all! I've got Chapter 6 for you! **

**To all of you great reviewers: You totally make my day! Thank you so much! **

**Suz: Thanks again for beta-reading! You're helping me so much to improve my English with all your advice! **

**I think I have to do some explaining for this chapter: **

**1. Cristina's POV : I just felt like I had to explain why she cares about Alex, which was quite difficult, because she's such a complex character and those two haven't really had many storylines together in the show. I hope I did it well enough! **

**2. Izzie: In my story, she's still a little into Alex. But in this chapter, she's just reminded of everything he did for her when Denny died. And since this is an Addex story, she won't get in the way! **

**3. Alex and Addison are kind of ghosts in this chapter. I always wonder what patients experience when they're put under, so this is one of my "solutions"!**

**I think this is it! But if you have any other questions just ask! Love - Christine **

**Season 4 starts in less than a week! Yay! I can hardly wait!**

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**Chapter 6**

While Callie just got started on Addison's surgery, Alex's sternum was already cracked open. And even though his fellow residents had their own work to deal with, all of them stood in the gallery, looking down on their friend.

Izzie and Cristina had just gotten back from the accident a few minutes earlier. Izzie was still in a state of shock and hadn't been much help at all. Cristina had to drag and boss her around and tell her what to do every other minute, because she would just freeze and stare at her like a real Barbie made of plastic.

She was pretty annoyed about that and it wasn't because she didn't care about what was happening to Alex. Throwing herself into work was just her way of coping with the whole situation. She'd keep that to herself of course, no one needed to know.

But they were a family. When it all came down to either falling apart or sticking together on that particular day that no one wanted to experience ever again, she'd been the glue of the group. This probably had surprised her even more than her friends. She'd never done that before, but she knew, that she'd do it again. They all started out together as "the bottom of the surgical food chain" and it had been a hell of first year for them.

Starting with Cristinas baby dying, taking one of her fallopian tubes with him or her

Denny dying,

Georges Dad dying,

Meredith's Mom dying,

Meredith "dying" and

Meredith's fake-mommy dying.

Those were definitely too many "dyings" on a list of happenings for a group only consisting of 5 people, and that all only in one year. Not to mention the freaking wedding she had been forced into. She'd never wanted a huge wedding. No, city hall would have been enough for her. But she had loved him so much, that she was willing to change and adapt to whatever he wanted. And then, when she was just about to walk down the freakin kitschy decorated aisle, he dumped her in the cruellest kind of way anyone can imagine. She'd never been so humiliated before.

But afterwards, when she got out of her wedding dress, which seemed to get tighter with every passing second, she was able to breathe again. They all waited for her at Meredith's house and got drunk together. They drowned their miseries with alcohol until they couldn't walk straight anymore. That was exactly what she needed. She didn't want anybody to hug and comfort her. Izzie had tried that a few times, but immediately sat back down on her chair when Cristina would send daggers flying at her with her dark eyes. No, she was definitely not the "touchy-feely-type" and they all knew that.

She had to cope in her own way, with lots of booze and swearing about what a freakin ahole Burke was. It was still hard for her to realize that she was alone again, because she had gotten so damn used to him always being around. But luckily she wasn't "alone" alone really. She knew that there were 4 people helping her get through this. And even though Alex hadn't been the first one she'd turn to, she could always count on him to deliver one of his snide remarks about Burke exactly when she needed it.

So she wanted to be there, because he'd do the same. Even if it meant sitting there, doing nothing. They both thought that talking was way overrated anyway. They had that in common.

When Cristina and Izzie met up with Meredith and George in front of OR 1, Bailey banned them form his surgery.

"You are not allowed to place one foot into this OR. If I see one of you just approaching the door I'm gonna make sure that you 4 thumb suckers aren't gonna enter any OR for the next month. Are we clear?" She had ordered in her Nazi-kind-of-way. Now all they could do was watch and wait.

After Dr. Baileys speech, they went to the one place, they could see what was going on with Alex. The gallery. Now, they were all standing there in total silence. All of them were hoping that the steady peeping of the monitor would neither increase nor slow down. After a while, Cristina couldn't take it anymore and wanted to say something to fill the quiet room with some sound other than the continuous beeping coming from the OR and was about to open her mouth when Izzie blurted out her concerns and fears.

"I can't stand that. We're just standing around doing nothing. I mean shouldn't we do something? I think we should to something for him, shouldn't we?"

"And what do you have in mind Barbie?" Cristina asked.

"I'm just, I can't….. I'm itching to do something. I should go home and bake tons of muffins for him, for when he wakes up, you know, but I can't go home. I have to stay here. I…" Izzie rambled. All of that brought back very hurtful memories.

"Why is it always the heart?" She asked after pausing a few moments, looking upwards, trying to blink back her tears, but didn't succeed.

The others understood immediately what she meant. They all knew, even though she had claimed to be over Alex, she was always going to have a soft spot for him. And now something was wrong with his heart too. Like Denny. That had to be beyond bad karma and she definitely didn't deserve it.

The tears started rolling down her pale cheeks.

"I can't loose another person that I love. I just can't deal with this anymore! Why do they keep hurting me?" She said quietly through heavy sobs, which made her stutter out the words only one by one.

They were quite taken aback by Izzies breakdown. She had been the one staying positive when Meredith came in without a pulse or a heartbeat after the ferry accident. She had believed, that everything was gonna turn out well for them, and she'd been right.

"He…. he was there for me when Denny died, even though I treated him like crap at that time. He was the only one who knew what to say and knew how to help me, and he did that unconditionally. And now I wasn't there for him. I couldn't…. I don't know what to do now! What do I do now?" She went on.

"Shhh Izzie shhh!" George hugged his best friend and stroked the back of her head with his right hand, trying to calm her down. "It's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna turn out well."

Izzie rested her head on Georges shoulder and sobbed away, while Meredith and Cristina looked at them without saying a word.

They didn't know that Alex was watching.

----------------------

If someone had told him, that those things really happened to patients, he'd just shrugged his shoulders, called them liars and moved on. But it was really happening. To him. Doctors, and especially surgeons, don't believe in out-of-body-experiences. They are scientists. Facts are all they can think about. Things that could be explained reasonably were important. Something they couldn't explain with their medical knowledge always made them uncomfortable. Of course there were the occasional "miracles", that took a whole new level of explaining and in the end couldn't be explained at all, but this was just so odd.

Alex was standing in the back of the gallery, dressed only in white hospital gown, and he was really confused about the whole situation. Seriously, who wouldn't be?

_What the hell? Am I dead? _Were the first questions that ran through his head in warp speed.

When he recognized the 4 figures standing in front of him he spoke up.

"Hello? Mer? Izzie? HELLLLOOOOOO? Can someone please explain to me what the hell's going on here?" Alex asked, but they didn't even turn their heads.

A few seconds later, he heard Izzie talking to the others. It took him only an instant to realise, that she was talking about him. He listened intently to every word she said. He saw how she tried to hold back the tears and that broke his heart a little.

He tried to move towards them, but couldn't get any closer. It was like someone had put up an invisible barrier in the middle of the gallery, preventing him from going to where they all stood.

_Okay, now I'm pretty sure I'm dead! _

Izzie started crying and Alex wanted nothing more than to hold her. He had hurt her so much when he cheated on her and now he was hurting her again.

"Izzie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Again." he said, but there was no reaction to his voice. They couldn't hear or see him.

_Damn it, what is it with me always bringing pain into their lifes? God, why am I so screwed up? _

He actually knew the answer to that question already, even though he'd never told anyone before. But when he heard Addison's voice behind him, he knew, that he was able to change. The sound of her voice alone sent butterflies flying through his stomach. Never had he felt like that, and it was way too girly for his liking, but at that moment he didn't care.

"Cute ass!" Was what she said. His gown wasn't tied together apparently, and she was able to see his behind. He turned around to face her, putting one of his hands on duty to hold his gown together. He still wasn't sure, whether his friends could see them or not, and he certainly wouldn't expose his butt to the whole hospital if he wasn't completely invisible to them. Well, her, that was different. He'd show her everything she wanted.

He caught her eyes, her wonderful ocean blue eyes, nearly drowning in them. He took another second to take in all of her body. She was also wearing a hospital gown.

_God, she even looks stunning in a gown. This woman is just perfect. I can't mess up again. I just can't lose her. _He thought.

His gaze wandered over the long red locks, which framed her face perfectly, down her arms to the tips of her fingers and further down over her shins to her bare feet.

Of course Addison noticed that and blushed. It had been a long time, that someone had last checked her out the way Alex did right now. It definitely made her feel special.

They stood a few feet away from each other, and after finishing his analysis of Addison's anatomy Alex finally regained his power of speech.

"Is this a dream?" He asked, not taking is eyes off of hers.

She moved closer without breaking the connection until she stood right in front of him and he was able to hear her nervous breathing. He closed his eyes in anticipation of what was gonna follow but quickly opened them again when Addison moved her hand around his body, pinching his bare butt.

"Ouch!! What was that for?" He asked, trying to sound annoyed, even though a wide smile crept across his face.

"Well, now we know, that this definitely isn't a dream, don't we!" She told him.

"Are we dead then?" Was his next question.

"I don't think so. God, I don't hope so! I survived a car crash with only a broken arm. I'm certainly not going into the light now!" She answered.

"So what is this? They can't hear or see me." He explained, pointing towards his friends.

"Maybe it's our subconscious playing with our minds." She offered, but wasn't able to give a satisfying answer, like she usually did to any of his questions.

"Or maybe…" she broke off when she heard the staccato of the monitors suddenly jumping up to an alarming rhythm. She looked up at Alex and saw that for the first time since she had appeared in the gallery, his gaze wasn't glued to her. It was instead focused on the 4 people standing at the window.

"His BP's dropping" Meredith spoke out what the others already knew.

"Burke can't find the bleeder!" Cristina stated. She still knew all of his movements by heart. She'd studied him so closely, that she exactly knew what was going on, even if she was only watching from the gallery.

"That's too much blood!" George half-screamed.

Meanwhile, Izzie had lowered herself to the floor, pressing her back up against the window. She couldn't watch it anymore.

Alex's face turned white and Addison quickly grabbed his hand with hers. Squeezing it, to assure him that she was still there.

Alex turned towards her, ready to tell her what he should have told her months ago.

"Addison, I wanna apologize for being such a huge jerk. I know I hurt you and if I don't pull through this, please don't mourn over me. I'm not worth it." He said, taking her other hand with his free one.

Burke still hadn't found the source of the bleeding and he was quickly running out of time.

But Addison didn't hesitate another second. She leaned in closer and pressed her lips against Alex's. It was only a short and gentle kiss, but he literally felt the butterflies performing somersaults in his tummy. No other kiss he'd ever shared with a girl had triggered something that would only slightly compare to this. The passion rose inside of him and he wanted to deepen the kiss, but Addison pulled away.

"If you die, I'm gonna be so mad at you that I'll kill you again. I can't loose you Alex Karev." She smiled, when Cristina started talking again.

"He's got it. Burke stopped the bleeding. His BP's stabilising!" She said and they all stopped holding their breaths.

"Phew, that was a scare. Izzie, did you hear that?" George asked. But Izzie was still sobbing away on the floor, so he sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders.

But Meredith stormed out of the gallery without saying a word. They didn't know, what hat gotten into her and therefore were quite confused about that.

But Alex and Addison hadn't noticed.

"Oh, and by the way, I'm also gonna kill you, if you tell me one more time that you're not interested!" She stated with a grin, when Alex started talking.

"When this is over, do you think there is a chance for us? You know, can we try the real relationship kind of thing?" He asked her, looking deep into her eyes. He'd gotten his colour back, now that the shock was over.

"I really like you Addison Montgomery. I don't want Ava. You just made me think that I wanted her, when you told me those things about unlimited chances in the church. I never really wanted anyone else but you. I've never felt this way before about anyone!"

She looked up again and just couldn't resist his big brown eyes. And she could hardly believe that it was in fact Alex Karev saying all those things. If she hadn't done the cheeky pinching test from before, she'd be sure that this was one of her dreams, enduced by the anaesthesia. But this just felt too real to only be a dream. She had to kiss him again, just like before, letting her lips lightly brush over his.

"Alex, first of all, I have to thank YOU. You possible saved my life tonight. And now my conscience is bugging me, because I should have told you to come back with me to the hospital right away. Then this wouldn't have happened." She pointed towards the OR."

"Addie, I wouldn't have come back with you to the hospital. Well, maybe if you had begged me with your beautiful eyes which I just can't resist, but this is really not your fault. I guess it's just the doctor-thing. I couldn't leave when there were other victims in need of help. Okay? Now that we've got that off the table. Can you please answer my question now?"

Addison hesitated for a moment. Her whole body started tickling which felt very weird. Something wasn't right. She looked up again. Everything was blurry now. She was only able to trace the outline of his body with her mind once, before everything went dark.

-------------

She was gone. From one moment to the other she had vanished into nowhere, leaving Alex alone with his unanswered question.

"Damn it!" He swore "Where did she go? What was she thinking? Leaving me here without an answer! Crap!"

He'd just poured his heart out. He, Alex Karev, had just talked about his feelings. That had never really happened before. And now he was left in the dark again, not knowing whether she wanted the same thing.

His eyes wandered over to his friends again. Ever since the bomb-incident they had been growing closer. If you told someone about all the obstacles they mastered together during the past year, you would have to prove it with evidence. No sane person would believe how many bad things had happened to this group. It was a great feeling to know, that they were there for him too. There were people who actually cared about him. He'd never experienced that before in his life. Right now, he only wanted to get an answer from Addison. That was all he was able to think about, when his own insecurity hit him again.

_What if she doesn't really want me? Does she still think I'm a Mark Sloan protégé? _

He really hoped, that this wasn't the case.

And together with the insecurity, fear overcame him. He'd already been close to not surviving this surgery once.

_What if I'm really gonna die? What if I can never hold her or kiss her again?_

He felt his knees weaken and had to crouch down on the floor, trying to steady himself while pressing his back hard against the wall, breathing heavily into the quiet of the room. He felt one single big tear rolling down his left cheek and he wiped it away with his hand immediately. He didn't want anyone to see it. Alex Karev didn't cry. He had given it up years ago, because it never stopped his father from hurting his mom. No, it was more of the opposite. The louder and harder he had cried as a boy, the more punches his mother had to endure. So he didn't cry anymore. Until tonight.

A few minutes later, when he finally got his composure back, his eyes dated toward the figures in front of him. He suddenly realised, that one was missing. Meredith wasn't standing there anymore.

TBC

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**I hope you enjoyed it! Have a nice weekend everybody! Please leave reviews (beg, beg ;-)! **


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm back with an update and hope I can make the waiting for season 4 a little shorter! (Yay, only a few hours left! lol;-) **

**As always: Thanks to all of you who reviewed the last chapters! I'd give you all a big hug if I were anywhere near you! and Suz, thanks again for beta-reading! You're really great! **

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**Chapter 7**

Meredith just had to get out of there. It was her turn to break down now, and she sure as hell wasn't going to do that in front of her friends. They'd already seen enough of her dark and twisty side and she needed to be alone to figure things out. Or whatever she was going to do.

She trotted along the empty hallway, into the elevator which took her down to the lobby. She knew what she had to do to make her feel better. The young doctor slowed down when she walked across the lobby, because she didn't want to raise any suspiciousness towards herself by nosy nurses. She exited the hospital only dressed in her light blue scrubs. Meredith felt the cold fall breeze on her body when she finally stood in the open and she hoped that it'd carry away all of her worries at once. But it didn't.

When she realised that, she proceeded with plan number 2. Darting directly towards Joe's. When she entered the bar, Joe greeted her with the usual wave of his hand, indicating for her to take a seat a the bar.

"Meredith? What's going on?" He asked, noticing her serious expression when she got closer. "Shouldn't you be working? You know because of the car crash?"

"I can't work tonight. I'm banned from working actually!" She told him.

"Why is that? You seem to be sober, or are you just hiding it very well?"

"It's Alex and Addison, they were in the accident and got hurt. So no one will be cut open by me tonight!"

She said it quickly, like ripping off a band aid.

"How are they?" Joe asked concerned.

"I think Addison's fine, they're operating on her arm, but Alex is still in surgery and we don't know yet…" She broke off.

"Oh my god, do you need anything?"

"Yeah, can I get a bottle of tequila? Cristina, Izzie, George and I seriously need to drown our freaking sorrows!" She threw one of her biggest fake smiles at him.

"Only if you promise not to drink it all by yourself. I don't want another one of you hospitalised!"

"Okay!" She promised, crossing her fingers behind her back. She smiled and thankfully took the bottle offered to her by Joe.

"Bye Joe"

"Hey, let me know when you get any news, okay?"

"Sure" and with that she exited the bar. When the door closed behind her, cold hit her for the first time and she loved it. There was something so familiar about this. She took her first sip and it set fire to her throat, warming her up from inside. She took another sip, before slowly moving back towards the hospital.

It was like Alex's accident had woken up something that had been asleep inside of her for too long. Well, everything she'd been put through had to come up eventually.

"God, why do you hate me so much?" She screamed into the dark of the night. "Why is it that bad things keep happening to me or the people that I love?" When she realised that she was starting to freeze she quickly got a grip and ran back to the hospital, the tequila bottle securely wrapped with both of her hands.

On the way she prayed that no one would see her walking through the reception area and she was lucky, because it was practically empty. As empty as it was supposed to be at that hour. She decided to take the stairs and exited the stairwell on the surgical floor where she quickly ducked into her favourite supply closet.

_Would this all still be happening, if I hadn't decided to come back? _Was the only question running through her head.

-------------------

Addison opened her eyes to a familiar face she didn't expect to see. Because she was still too groggy to connect the face to a name she spoke out the first thing that popped into her head.

"Alex?"

"No" he grinned down at her. She couldn't focus enough to place the feeling that grew in the pit of her stomach, but it felt somehow like a big disappointment, because it wasn't HIS voice that hat spoken this single word.

"Hey" he said as her eyes fluttered open again. "I'm so glad you're back!"

She wasn't able to reply anything. Instead she just looked at the person sitting next to her in a chair.

It was Mark.

But when she looked at him, she couldn't help but feel, she rather had Alex sitting in that chair, looking at her worrisomely. And everything came racing back within a split second. Her accident. Alex getting hurt. Derek informing her about that. Seeing Alex on the operating table. Her own surgery. The dream of meeting Alex in the gallery.

_Wait a minute. Oh no! Was that just a dream? No that can't be! It felt so real. _

"How… How's Alex?" That was all she really wanted to know, everything else didn't matter.

"Karev? He's still in surgery." He informed her.

_Phew, that means he's alive_. A wave of relief washed over her.

"Addie, you have to rest now. I'm gonna take a quick look at that nasty laceration on your forehead. I have to know whether you need stitches, okay?"

Addison nodded, closing her eyes again. She was still too tired to keep them open for longer than a few seconds. Mark took some gloves from the cabinet and leaned over her, taking off the band aid that was still covering the wound. He did that very cautiously, trying not cause her any pain.

When she fought to hold her eyes open once again, she realised that he was dressed in jeans and a shirt and not scrubs.

"Did you come in just to check on me?" She asked, barely audible for him to hear.

"Yeah I did Addie, because that's what friends do! Callie called me, after she was done with your surgery. She also told me, that there might be some work for me, so I came back to the hospital. I didn't want you to wake up all alone. And do you remember our little talk from a few days ago? We decided to stay friends, right? So here I am and you can just thank god that I happen to be the best at what I do, because you _need_ stitches and I promise there won't be a scar!" He told her after assessing the wound over her left eye.

"You definitely have a god complex you know that?" She started to feel a little bit more awake with every passing minute.

"Yeah, but I'm that good and you know it!" He smirked.

She was happy that Mark kept her distracted from thinking about Alex. And he was right, if she wanted anyone to sew her up it was him, because he really was the best. She'd never tell him that though. I'd just boost up his already big ego to a higher level if she did.

"Maybe" she said simply. "Hey, how did my surgery go? Am I gonna have full function of my arm again?" She shot those questions at him without pausing once.

"Hey, hey, slow down woman! From what I read on your chart it went smoothly, no complications. I'm sure Torres is gonna come and check on you the second she gets out of Karev's surgery.

And now Addison's thoughts went racing back to Alex. She tried to sit up in her bed but met with one of Mark's iciest glances she'd ever seen.

"No, no you're not gonna do that!" He said sternly. "Let me help you." He took the bed remote and pressed the up-button until she had a better view.

"There, that's better, isn't it? Okay, let me get a sewing-kit and I'm gonna stitch you up!"

He was already facing the door when Addison called him.

"Mark…." She broke off, biting her upper lip.

_I can't ask him to do that, he'd just get the wrong impression. I don't want him to find out this way. _

Mark looked at her and just knew what she wanted.

"You want me to go and check on _him_ don't you?"

Addison was taken aback by his response.

_When did he get the ability to read my mind? _

"Umm, well, yes….." she said, not knowing what he felt. His face was completely expressionless.

"Anything for you Dr. Montgomery!" Was his answer, which he spoke out a little bit less enthusiastic. "Do you need anything else?"

"No, thank you Mark!"

"You're welcome." And with that he walked away, leaving Addison alone in her room with only the constant beeping of the heart-monitor she was still attached to, to distract her from her fearful thoughts.

--------------------

Alex wasn't sure if he had lost track of time completely or if he had already been in the gallery for 2 hours. Meredith hadn't returned and Izzie was still sobbing away on the floor next to a tired looking George who desperately tried to comfort her. Alex started to wonder how big Izzie's tear ducks had to be, because crying for that long couldn't be healthy. Cristina was the only one still focused on the surgery. It still felt so surreal to him, that he was actually watching his friends, without being spotted by them. He just wanted to disappear like Addison did. Gosh he just wanted to see her again so badly. Even though they'd only been apart for a few hours, to him it felt like an eternity.

He had tried to exit the gallery several times, thinking that maybe she was just out in the hallway, but he couldn't get out of there. It felt like someone was trying to torture his mind in one of the cruellest ways possible.

_God, isolation must suck big time! _He thought and started pacing very quickly through the small space, his thoughts drifting back to Addison.

_Where the hell did she disappear too?_

But his thinking-process was interrupted when Mark Sloan bust into the gallery, only missing Alex by a few inches while he made his way down to the window.

"How's it going down there?" Mark asked the three figures in front of him, tearing them out of their trance.

"Dr. Sloan?" Cristina asked in astonishment while her mind tried desperately to find a reasonable explanation why he of all people would be standing in front of her. He certainly didn't care about Alex, that was for sure.

Alex was pretty surprised too about the fact that his former idol seemed to be interested in his surgery. He'd never go back to plastic. Because he'd finally realised that fixing what's wrong on the outside, never healed the aching wounds inside. Alex was never gonna be Sloan's lapdog again and that also had something to do with the new, even better and definitely hotter idol he had now. _But why the hell is he here? _

Alex felt his body tense up and his heart started beating faster. _Please let her be awake please god, please._

"Dr. Montgomery sent me." Mark stated dryly.

"So she's awake then?"

"Yeah."

Alex could have hugged Cristina right then and there for asking this question and for the relieving answer she got out of Mark. His body relaxed. Now all he had to do was getting through his own surgery.

"Look, can someone please answer my question?" Mark asked, starting to feel annoyed.

George just shrugged his shoulders and Izzie didn't even bother to look up.

"He's lost a lot of blood and they had a big scare about 2 hours ago. They're still repairing the damage that the metal did to his heart. It's still gonna be a while until they're finished, but it looks good so far" Cristina explained matter-of-factly, because George and Izzie were too preoccupied with the cuddling and comforting.

"Okay, thanks for the update." And with that he left the gallery again.

--------------------

Mark trotted across the hallway to the closest supply closet and didn't even bother to turn on the lights when he entered it. He knew exactly where the sewing-kits were located, so why bother? He thought when he suddenly stumbled over something and landed hard on the cold linoleum floor.

"What idiot left something lying on the damn floor?" He swore, instead of admitting that he'd actually been the idiot for not switching on the lights. He pushed himself up from the uncomfortable ground, making a mental note to take the detour around one of the selves on his way out, so he wouldn't stumble again, when he stopped in his tracks. A barely audible moan had just escaped the thing lying in front of him.

"Who's that?"

No answer.

"Hello? Who are you?"

Still no response.

He remembered that there was another light switch to his left and turned it on. When he moved his head back to face whoever was lying there, he spotted a bundle of light blue scrubs rolled together in a fetal position with long blonde hair attached to it. Her face was hidden behind the palms of her hands, but even though he couldn't see her face, he knew exactly who that woman was.

Mark's gaze flew over her motionless body to a bottle of tequila. Half empty.

_Great! _

He kneeled down and pulled Meredith's hands gently away from her head and with a subconscious grunt her eyes opened for a second. But it was too bright in there, definitely too light for someone who had just downed half a bottle of tequila. Her vision was blurry but she had no problems placing the man-candy features in front of her.

"So, what is my favourite dirty mistress doing here, lying on the filthy floor, only accompanied by alcohol?" Mark asked with a smirk.

"Dr. Sloan?" She asked with a hoarse voice.

"People I stumble over by accident call me Mark." He told her.

"Mc Steamy!" she replied happily and put on one of her silliest grins.

Meredith felt better, a whole lot better actually with the tequila circulating in her bloodstream, blocking her thoughts and worries. They were all gone and she was actually feeling kind of happy right now.

"I'm not a dirty mistress anymore, more like an ex-dirty mistress, promoted to adulterous whore to …….. whatever!" Not being able to finish that thought due to her alcohol level she started to giggle.

Mark held out one of his hands to help her up and Meredith tried to grab it. She only missed it by an inch and fell back, hitting her head on one of the shelves behind her.

"Ouch!" She moaned "Why did you move your hand, that was mean Mc Steamy!" She said, sounding annoyed.

Now it was Marks turn to laugh. "I didn't move my hand, you're just too drunk to stand up, let alone walk straight! You're gonna have a hell of a hangover tomorrow!" He told her in a know-it-all kind of way.

"I don't care about the hangover! Booze makes the pain and the feelings go away, that's all that counts!" She rambled.

"Come on!" He said, scooping her up off the ground.

"Wow, Mc Steamy, you've got a big biceps!" She told him as her hand touched it lightly.

"Stop it Grey, or I'm gonna tell the Chief that you were sexually harassing me on hospital property!" He informed her with one of his cocky smirks.

"Yeah, like he'd believe you!" Meredith grinned. But that grin faded quickly when she felt a wave of nausea coming over her.

Mark saw how her face turned pale, how her eyes widened and how she tried to choke back some vomit but it was too late, for him anyway, when Meredith emptied her stomach all over his shirt.

"Gross Grey!" He said and put her down, while the stinky fluid slowly dripped over his expensive jeans and shoes.

"I'm sorry Mark!" Meredith told him with faked compassion. She desperately tried to pull a straight face, but lost the battle miserably when the corners of her mouth formed a wide smirk and she started giggling again.

"Come on, let's get you to a proper bed!"

"But then I'm gonna be all alone!" She sulked.

"No, an IV-drip is gonna keep you company! Karev's gonna need you sober when he wakes up."

"Since when do you care about Alex?"

"I don't, I care about Addison, that's all."

"Point taken!" She mumbled, seeing in his eyes that his heart was still beating for her.

"Love sucks!" She added.

He steadied her while they walked to the closest on call room. She pulled away from him for a second but realised that this had been a bad idea the next moment, because she started to sway uncontrollably around the hallway until he got hold of her elbow again.

In the on call room, she immediately slammed down on her favourite bed and Mark turned on the light. He quickly adjusted an IV with his well trained fingers and hung a banana-bag, which he had taken from the supply closet, on the top bunk.

"You're not gonna move before that bag's empty Grey! Look at me! I look like crap and you're responsible for ruining my stunning appearance tonight, so you owe me!

Mark also knew that Addison was probably worried sick by now because she thought that he was avoiding her due to some bad news regarding Karev and he wanted to go and check on her as fast as possible.

"Okay!" Meredith replied, still too drunk to actually contradict him.

"Good girl!" He threw her one last glance and left.

Without any further interruptions he went to the attending's locker room, got rid of his smelly clothes and changed into scrubs. He took the sewing-kit from the bench next to him and run back to Addison's room

----------------------

"Where the hell have you been?" Addison asked angrily when Mark entered her room. She knew she was being rude, but she had just spent the past half hour staring at the threshold, hoping, no praying, that Mark would return within seconds with good news about Alex's condition, so she felt that she was entitled to a little rudeness.

"Sorry, I got cornered."

"You got what? How's Al..… Karev?"

"They're still in surgery, but he's doing good now. No complications have arisen since….." and then Addison broke him off.

"Since the scare when Burke couldn't find the bleeder and his blood pressure fell." She finished the sentence for him.

"Wait, how do you know that? Did someone tell you already?"

"No, I…. I know it sounds kind of weird, but I had a dream about that. Well, I'm not sure whether it was a dream. I'm hoping that it wasn't actually…… Mark, I think I'm going crazy!"

"You're not! And stop pretending like you don't really care about him, cause you do! I saw you two leaving the on call room the day before you went to L.A.!"

Addison was quite taken aback by Mark's confession and lost her power of speech for a second.

Meanwhile, Mark had turned away to prepare all the things he needed for the suture. He wasn't able to face her.

"I'm sorry Mark, that's not how I wanted you to find out. I felt so bad about breaking our bet. I guess I'm equally to blame for the fact that we didn't make it. I'm sorry. She told him sincerely.

"It's okay, as long as you're happy Addie." He told her while putting his gloves on. He tried to be a friend.

"And Mark?"

"What?"

"Thank you for being here and for giving me an update. I really appreciate it! I owe you!" Addison felt how her body relaxed a little. But the relaxation only lasted till Mark turned around with a syringe in his right hand. Addison's eyes widened.

"Well maybe we could be friends with benefits!" Mark suggested with his trademark smirk. "Can you lie back down, so I can suture your wound? Please?"

"No, Mark! And can you please not wave with that syringe?" She shot him one of her most dangerous glares. But after weighing her options, which were either to surrender and let him poke her with that needle or to get her face sewn back together without anaesthetics she gave in and lay back down in her bed. He quickly cleaned the wound with some antiseptics.

"Okay, this is gonna sting a little." He informed her.

"I hate needles!"

"I know, I'll make it quick, promise!"

After Addison shut her eyes tightly, Mark injected her with the lydocain. But when he started performing his first stitch, he got interrupted.

"Ouch!"

He proceeded without saying anything.

"Ouch!"

Again, no reaction.

"Ouch!"

Okay, now he _had _to say something.

"Stop saying "ouch", it doesn't hurt! You're numbed!"

"Sorry!"

"You're worse than a 4 year old you know that?"

"Sorry" she offered again. "I'll try to hold still!"

"You better, or you'll be the new scar-face around here!" He joked.

"Seriously Mark! Can't you just stop making fun of me? I'm in a serious condition here!" She said, pointing to her arm.

"A broken arm does so not count!" He replied sheepishly.

When Addison opened her eyes again, she finally noticed that he had changed into scrubs.

"Why are you wearing scrubs? You didn't have to change just to sew me up!"

"You don't wanna know."

"Yes I do! Who cornered you?"

"Trust me Addison, you really don't wanna know. It's disgusting!"

"I do! I do want to know!"

"And now you're acting like a 4 year old!"

"It's the drugs Mark! They make me feel totally high!" She giggled.

"Okay, but I warned you. Grey threw up on me!"

"She did what?"

"I found her in one of the supply closets with a half-empty bottle of tequila. And I should probably mention that the other half is currently stinking away on my designer shirt and pants!"

"Unbelievable! But getting wasted in the hospital sounds like something she would do! So what did you do with her?"

"I put her on an IV and let her sleep it off in the on call room. Okay, all done!" He told her when he put a band aid on her forehead. "You won't be able to wash your hair today, which means you are gonna look like crap!"

"Not funny Mark! And besides, I already look like crap!"

"That's not true. You're always beautiful Addison!" He said locking eyes with her.

"Mark don't. We're only friends. There's a reason we didn't pass the finish line."

"I didn't break our bet." He spoke calmly. Almost shy like a little boy.

"What? But you told me…."

He cut her off. "I know that you wanted to be with him, or at least with someone who wasn't me. You didn't want me. Because if you did, you wouldn't have gone after Derek in the first place and we'd be in New York right now and not trapped in that rain hole. But I get it now, it's okay. I'm not chasing after you anymore."

Still shocked about this statement it took her a few moments to get her composure back.

"That's really, wow Mark, that's really sensible and grown up!"

"I know, hey even I got it in me!" He gave her a goofy smile.

"Thanks Mark, I mean for being my friend, even after everything!" Addison thought about something else to say, but her thoughts were interrupted when she spotted a nearly happy looking Cristina Yang in the threshold.

"Dr. Montgomery?"

"Yeah?"

"They're nearly finished with Alex's surgery. He's gonna be out in about 30 minutes.

_Thank God!_

"Thanks Dr. Yang."

Addison knew that this was gonna be the no. 1 topic on the gossip front tomorrow, but she didn't care a bit. For once she felt she could take it without wanting to disappear every few minutes like she usually wanted to when there was gossip going around involving her. She felt how her body relaxed completely for the first time since she had woken up. She took in deep breaths and closed her eyes and couldn't believe how lucky she was.

_He's alive. I'm gonna see him again in a few minutes. He's gonna be fine. Thank God._

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Seriously! Longest Chapter Ever! I didn't intend to make it that long, but I just got carried away! I hope you liked it though and I also hope you don't hate me because there wasn't any Addex in there but I promise, from the next chapter on, it's gonna be totally and completely Addex! I've already kept them apart for too long! I also felt, that this fic needed to lighten up a bit, so I wrote the Meredith-Mark interaction in the supply closet. I really like drunken-Meredith (or Meredith on morphine!;-) 

Thanks for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it! – Christine


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi you all! Sorry that update took me so long, but I've been really busy the last couple of weeks! (I know, it's a totally lame excuse, but I hope you can forgive me!)**

**As always, thanks again to everyone who reviewed! I'm kind of addicted to them, so keep it up! **

**Suz: Thanks again so much for beta-reading! You're doing a great job!:)**

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**Chapter 8**

_Half an hour later: _

"What do you think you're doing? Mark asked when Addison started removing herself from the heart rate monitor that was still checking her vitals and from the BP-cuff around her arm. She tried to lift herself carefully off the bed but with one arm in a sling and practically being high from all the drugs, that wasn't the easiest thing to achieve.

"I'm gonna see Alex! He should be in recovery by now." She explained.

"You will stay in bed Addison, you just woke up from general anaesthesia, you are on medication and nowhere near your right state of mind. They still need to monitor you!"

"Watch me!" She replied angrily and Mark looked at her sternly.

"Relax Mark! I've been awake for almost 2 hours. It's not like I'm gonna run a marathon anytime tonight. I just wanna see him!"

"I'm gonna report you to your doctor!" Mark threatened.

"Callie? You do that!" She answered sheepishly.

"But she's gonna tell you off!" Mark tried again to keep Addison from leaving the safety of her room. He didn't want anything to happen to her after what she'd been through so far.

"Mark, how many times do I have to tell you this: I don't care!" She just wanted to see Alex so badly. She had to make sure that he was really alive. And also the guilt about not being there for him when he was injured kept nagging on her. All she really wanted to do and _could_ do, was to watch over him now.

"Okay" Mark finally gave in "but if Callie catches you, I wasn't here helping you do that, do you understand?"

"Deal!" Addison replied.

He hung her IV bag on the rack that was attached to the wheelchair and helped her off the bed and into the chair. She was still a bit wobbly on her feet and was therefore glad about the assistance.

Just when they were ready to leave, a bed was wheeled past her room. Addison couldn't quite make out who was lying on the gurney, but since Bailey was following the trail of nurses and orderlies it had to be Alex. Addison hesitated a moment before indicating that it was okay to go after them to the recovery room.

When Miranda realised that there was someone following her, she quickly turned around. Surprise was written all over her face, Addison could tell that much from the expression that crept across her features. She'd probably expected to see Stevens or Grey, but not Addison Montgomery and Mark Sloan.

Bailey decided she wanted to have a minute alone with Addison, now she just needed to distract Mark.

"Dr. Sloan, good that you're here. Karev sustained some burns on his arms. I don't think it's too severe, but could you take a quick look?" She asked. Mark nodded and stepped away from the two females. Addison's eyes were fixed on Alex's figure. He was still intubated and hooked up to all the machines around him. And even though she'd seen thousands of patients in the same situation during her medical career, no other sight had ever hurt her that much.

"Addison, you should be in bed, you just had surgery." Bailey hissed through her teeth, but Addison's eyes didn't move away from Alex, not even an inch. She slowly grew annoyed with Mark and now Miranda telling her what to do. She definitely didn't like being bossed around, not even as a patient. But Miranda's voice didn't resemble the one she usually used to order everyone, including the Chief, around. It was soft and strangely caring. Addison chose to ignore her advice and began talking instead.

"How is he?" She asked with the highest amount of professionalism in her voice she could muster.

Miranda eyed her for a second and immediately realized that there was something going on between the two of them. She'd always had kind of an alarm system about her interns (or ex-interns in that case), that would go off in situations like that. And her last bunch, meaning Meredith, Cristina, Izzie, George and Alex had really been unique for that matter. Three of them had already been dating their superiors and now Karev apparently belonged to that club too!

_You've got to be kidding me. Another attending with one of my suck-ups? _Bailey thought and was definitely not thrilled about what she'd just found out.

"He's okay for now. Burke did a great job as always. He's lost a lot of blood, but we were able to replace it and to find the cause for the bleeding. The tear in his heart wall was larger than we had expected before we removed the foreign object, but he came back as soon as we took him off bypass. Callie also popped his shoulder back into the socket and she set the bones in his leg. Luckily she didn't have to open it up for that. It's a good thing he's young and strong. It's gonna take a while, but he's gonna make a full recovery!" She informed Addison and could literally see how all the worries fell off of her shoulders.

Even though Addison heard every word Bailey told her, she had to hear it again.

"He's gonna be okay then?"

"Yes, Addison, he's gonna be okay." Bailey assured her again, when Mark approached them.

"You were right Dr. Bailey, the burns are only first degree." He informed them while scribbling something on Alex's chart that had been placed on the cabinet next to the bed.

"I'll check them again in the morning." He added after closing it.

Addison unconsciously held out her left arm and Mark handed her the chart. She studied it for a few seconds before giving it back to Bailey. It wasn't like she could momentarily take in any information that it contained.

"He's gonna sleep, probably till dawn with the amount of medication he got, so you better get back into your own bed before Callie catches you wandering the halls. She can be pretty strict with her patients!"

"Thanks for the warning, but I'm gonna stay here with him." She said serenely, because there was no need to pretend she didn't really care about him anymore. Mark already knew and Addison was sure that Bailey had figured it out too.

"You can put my bed in here if you have to." She ordered. "I wanna stay with him. He shouldn't be alone."

"Fine, I'm gonna tell a nurse to set you up in here." Bailey told her with a straight face.

"Where are his friends?" Addison asked.

"I sent them away. They're not allowed on the ICU floor tonight!"

Addison nodded and was relieved to hear that. Even though it was a bit selfish, she wanted to be alone with Alex when he woke up.

She slowly stood up and moved closer to Alex's bed and completely forgot that her IV was still attached to the wheelchair. Luckily Mark paid attention and realised that she was about to pull it out of her arm, so he quickly took the bag from the rack and hung it next to Alex's. Addison pulled up a chair and sat down next to him, her eyes glued to his sleeping frame. The ugly breathing tube was the only thing disturbing the peaceful picture in front of her. Thankfully his wound was covered by the white hospital gown he was draped in. She took his hand into hers and swore, she felt it tighten around her fingers for a second. Addison leaned in a little and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. When her lips met his skin she breathed in his scent, the typical smell of his cropped hair that tasted so good. It made her feel a little woozy, but in a good way.

About half an hour later the night nurse came in to check on them and she urged Addison to lie down in her own bed, but she couldn't. She wouldn't abandon him. Instead she tightened her grip on his hand a little and rested her head next to his on the bed, watching him sleep.

"God Karev, what have you done to me? I'm acting like a love stoned teenager!" She whispered into his ear.

-------------------

About an hour later, Addison was still watching over him. She let her gaze fly over to the monitor once in a while, to make sure his vitals were stabile. She knew that exhaustion was going to take over soon and she felt more wiped out with every passing minute. But she just couldn't miss the moment he woke up, so fighting sleep was the only option.

Addison wasn't able to remember ever feeling something so sincere and deep for anyone. At least not in a very long time. She had loved Derek once upon a time of course. If she hadn't, she wouldn't have married him and stayed with him for over a decade. He was the kind of guy who'd never hurt a girl intentionally and that was exactly what she needed back then. Someone stable and reliable. But there had always been materialistic things that were important to her. But now, here she was, sitting next to the man who'd put her through a big amount of emotional pain. She'd fallen for him so suddenly but so hard that he crushed her heart into a thousand pieces when he rejected her. Twice. And still she couldn't imagine anyone else by her side for the rest of her life. They would of course have to work hard on their relationship, but nothing worth keeping ever came easy, right?

Just then Alex's eyes blinked a few times. Addison didn't know what time it was, but she was sure, that his approximated wake-up time had to be at least a few hours away. They hadn't even removed him from the vent. 

When Alex slowly regained consciousness, it felt like someone was chocking him. He couldn't breath on his own. A foreign object down your trachea was definitely not funny. Addison noticed that he was starting to panic and to trigger the vent. She quickly called the nurse which was just walking past in the hallway and told her to get Bailey. Then she returned her undivided attention to Alex, locking eyes with him. She put her hand on his forehead again and started talking.

"Alex, it's okay! Dr. Bailey's gonna take the tube out. She'll be here in a second, just don't fight it, okay?" Addison tried to calm him down because she knew, that a panic attack right after open heart surgery was definitely not a good thing.

When Miranda walked in she looked a little taken aback. With the amount of sedative he'd gotten, he should have been asleep for a few more hours, giving her enough time to remove the intubation while he was still out cold, but apparently it hadn't worked that way. She took some gloves and unhooked him form the ventilator, before preparing to take the tube out.

Alex's eyes darted towards Addison. He was still too groggy to actually form any kind of rational thoughts, but just looking at her was enough to make him feel better, to make him feel alive.

"Alex" he turned his head to look at Dr. Bailey when she called his name.

"I'm gonna take out the tube now. Deep breath in and then out on 3!" She commanded and Alex did as he was told.

"1, 2, 3" Miranda counted. He had to cough heavily when the intubation slid out and he tried to sit up, but was pressed back onto the bed immediately. After the cough attack had subsided and Alex took deep breaths on his own, Dr. Bailey took her stethoscope and uncovered his chest. She checked his breathing sounds and his heartbeat.

Addison held his hand for the entire time, being mindful of the IV that stuck out of it.

"You're doing good Karev." Dr. Bailey informed him while she took the oxygen canula from behind his bed and put it around his ears and in his nose. "But I gotta say, you gave us a hell of a scare! How are you feeling?" She asked compassionately.

"Fine." He muttered with a raspy voice, clenching his eyes shut, because of the bright neon light. Bailey held a cup of water with a straw to his mouth.

"You're not _fine _Karev! Drink!" She commanded. He did as he was told and sucked at the straw.

"My head.." he stuttered, after taking a few sips of water. His head was still pounding and he hoped that someone could make it stop, because he wasn't able to think straight.

"I'll get you something for that!" Miranda told him and left the room.

Alex turned his head again, slowly trying to sort out the thoughts that were all still flying aimlessly through his brain.

_Is she here, sitting next to me? It has to be real, I can feel her warm hand on mine. _

Addison just kept looking at him with her emerald eyes, lightly gripping his hand to reassure him that she really was here.

"Addison, was it a dream, you know, the gallery?" He asked, referring to their encounter he remembered so vividly.

"No Alex, or if it was, I had the same one" She replied.

"So, you owe me an answer then." He told her, slowly getting his voice back.

Addison smiled at him, and took a deep breath before she finally answered.

"Yes, Alex, I can see us having a relationship. That is, if you can quit being a baby and stop rejecting me! She said, trying to sound serious, but the undertone in her voice sounded rather happy and not at all grave. And there was the smile again.

Addison could literally see his eyes lighten up and he moved his hand around, so that he was able to squeeze hers, never wanting to let it go again.

"Kiss me Addison." He ordered.

"Well, if you insist Dr. Karev!" She said with a cheeky grin on her face. She leaned forwards at a snail's pace, because she wanted it to be perfect.

Alex could barely wait to feel her lips on his. And when they finally connected the feeling was all over him. He felt it everywhere and he was sure, that this was _the kiss_. It had to be the kiss he'd told the young girl Nicole about and his speech popped back into his head:

_For a kiss to be really good you want it to mean something. You want it be with someone you can't get out of your head so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot, so deep you never wanna come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss, Nicole__Trust me you don't want to, 'cause when you find the right person to first kiss it's everything._

He'd been waiting for _that kiss_ for so long already and it really was everything. He felt his heart beating so fast, that it registered on the monitor, but he never wanted to come up for air, he never wanted to let go off her ever again and he never wanted her to stop.

But then she did exactly that and withdrew her lips from Alex's. He was quite disappointed about that and somehow felt a little bereft.

"Why did you stop?" He asked, hoping that she'd continue with the kissing.

"Trust me Alex, you don't know how much I'd like to keep going, but your heart's beating really fast and I don't want you to get a heart attack or any kind of complications." She smiled down at him and went on, telling him, what she wanted to tell him in the gallery.

"I'm falling for you Alex Karev and I really hope that you can soothe my fall this time.

The smile she gave him was more than priceless and the butterflies were back, but this time not only in his stomach. They were literally all over his body. He knew, he wanted to do everything in his power to put that smile on her lips every day from now on.

He gave her one of the goofiest smirks she'd ever seen. "Addison, I promise, I WILL catch you this time. I'm so sorry. I was a fool for letting you fall to the ground before!"

"Yes, you were a moron, but I accept your apology." She told him, while still squeezing his hand. Thankfully his heart had slowed down again, because just then Dr. Bailey returned with the promised medication.

Miranda injected it into his IV and also hung a new bag of antibiotics.

"Karev, you're supposed to rest!" She told him and Alex rolled his eyes at her.

"GO BACK TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW!" She ordered in a tone that felt so familiar. He never thought he would feel this way, but he actually missed Bailey as his boss.

And with that Miranda turned to leave the recovery room. But not before shooting him one of her "I-mean-it" glances and muttering that she'd be back later to check on them.

Alex moved a little to the left. He felt Addison's eyes on him and looked at her.

"What are you doing Alex? You're not supposed to move! I'm not gonna let you out of that bed, you know that." She clearly enjoyed bossing him around. But it was for his own good.

"You heard Dr. Bailey. I have to be a good patient and go back to sleep now. Come on!" He said, pointing to the empty space next to him. "I can't sleep without you Addison. And I need my rest to make a quick recovery. Don't you want that?" He teased.

Now it was Addison's turn to roll her eyes.

_Wow, first he kept pushing me away and now he can't sleep without me? It's kind of cute though! _

"Well, yes, I do want you to be back on your feet sooner rather than later, so you've got a point." She replied, contemplating the option for another second before carefully climbing onto the bed next to him. Addison lay on her left, so that her broken arm was resting on her side. Addison moved closer to him cautiously. She didn't want to hurt him. But when their bodies finally touched, her heart skipped a beat or two. This was everything she wanted, everything she needed.

Closeness to the man she loved.

Their eyes met once more when Alex turned his head and kissed her on the forehead before they fell into a deep and happy sleep.

TBC

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**So, that was chapter 8! I hope it was worth the wait and you enjoyed it (yay, finally some real Addex! I miss them so much! sniff sniff!)**

**The story is nearly finished now, so there'll only be I don't know 2-3 more chapters and maybe and epilogue (or maybe a sequel???) I haven't decided yet, it might depend on the reviews I get! (no I'm not telling, I'm just asking! Nicely!;-)**

**Anyway, have a awesome weekend! - Christine**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi there everyone! I'm seriously sorry that it took me that long to put up this chapter ! But suddenly that stupid writers block set in! And the fact that there's no Addex on the show anymore isn't exactly helping! But I do love the 4th season so far (exept that there's really something missing without Addison there!) But I do love Alex's character development, I'm just not so sure about the whole "Ava"-thing, but since he's my favourite I just want him to be happy, at least for a while. He deserves that I think! (Dont' get me wrong, I'm still an Addex-shipper of course and I'd take her back anytime! lol:)**

**Thanks again to everyone who reviewed! You guys rock my world! **

**Suz, thanks again for beta reading! You're seriously incredible! Seriously! lol :)

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**Chapter 9**

Alex was woken up by someone poking his arm, which was a shame, because he was having a really good dream. It had involved Addison, a delicious chocolate fondue and a bowl of fresh strawberries. And well, of course Addison had been naked (that was actually the best part of the dream!). So now someone dared to pull him out of his slightly pornographic reverie? He was already pissed about that, even before he opened his eyes. Alex could still feel her body pressed against his, so she most definitely couldn't be the intruder.

Just when he wanted to open his eyes to sneak a peek at whoever had woken him up, his left eyelid was carelessly torn apart by a very cold finger and he was blinded by a light, that was pointing directly at his pupil.

The sudden dazzling of the bright light was so unexpected, that his head immediately reacted. It felt like someone was hitting him on the skull with a big hammer simultaneously to the rhythm of his heartbeat and it just wouldn't stop.

Alex turned his head to the left, to escape the tormenting light and clenched his eyes shut for a moment, gathering his thoughts and strength before opening them again. He lifted his hand to his forehead, rubbing it to soothe the pain.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Alex asked grumpily.

"I...I'm sorry Dr. Karev, I just need to do a quick check up!"

Alex recognized that voice. It was one of his interns.

"Get the hell out of here!" He snapped.

"But Dr. Bailey said..." The intern tried to explain, but Alex cut him off.

"I don't care! Send Stevens or Grey if you have to!"

The intern stood there petrified.

"What? Do I have to throw you out myself? Move!" Alex yelled and at that the intern finally took off, mumbling a scared sounding "okay" on his way out of the room.

Alex hoped that he hadn't interrupted Addison's sleep, but his wish wasn't going to come true when he felt her stirring next to him. Apparently her sleep wasn't as deep as he'd thought.

"Alex?" She asked sleepily

"Yeah babe?"

"What was that about?"

"I'm sorry I woke you!" He apologized. "I just had to kick out one of my interns. He was trying to kill me!" He joked.

"Okay" She answered, still being too sleepy to actually respond in a reasonable way. Addison would have without a doubt told him off about behaving that way towards his intern, but she was simply too tired and went back to sleep immediately, nestling herself closer to his warm body.

Alex on the other hand wasn't able to sleep anymore. Instead he was watching Addison. She was so stunningly beautiful. He couldn't really find a more appropriate word to describe it, because there was none. She curled her lips in her sleep, a soft moan escaping them. His head was still pounding, but just looking at her made it bearable. She was like his drug, that made him feel better instantly. He planted a soft kiss on her cheek.

"I love you Addie" He whispered into her ear and hoped that she was able to hear him.

Just then Izzie burst into the room with a frightened expression on her face.

"Alex? What's going on? Your intern woke me up and told me to go and check on you urgently! What's the emergency?"

Izzie stopped in her tracks when she realised that Alex had company in the form of a very familiar redhead in his hospital bed. "Oh, I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?" She said, nodding her head towards Addison with a grin on her face.

"Shut it Izzie!" Alex snapped. "Stupid incompetent interns!" he then mumbled quietly, inaudible for the blonde doctor standing in front of him.

"Relax Iz! The intern, what's his face, was torturing me, so I kicked him out and told him to get one of you if he has to. I mean, _seriously_, one would think that a graduate from med school could do a proper exam without killing the patient, but apparently not! I'm fine Izzie, I just have a terrible headache. Can you get me something for that?" He asked after finishing his rant about how useless his interns were. He knew that he was exaggerating the facts, but he felt entitled to do so.

"Alex, first of, _you _were an intern until just last week, so stop treading them like crap! Second, why don't you let _me _decide whether you're fine or not?" She said while fishing her pink stethoscope out of the pocket of her lab coat. "I mean, since I'm already here, _I _can check _you _out, can't I? And I promise, if you're a good patient, I even get you something for your headache!" She told him in a childish kind of way and a grin on her face that made Alex roll his eyes at her.

"Fine" he agreed unenthusiastically.

She walked over to his side and tried to lift his gown up. But before she could uncover him completely he grabbed it and held it down.

"Oh Alex, don't be such a baby! I've seen it all before!" She said, giggling like a little schoolgirl. "Karma rocks!" She added and met with an icy stare from Alex.

Izzie slowly removed the bandage that was covering his lesion and took his vitals and temperature quietly, trying not to wake up Addison. After she'd redressed the wound and checked everything she possibly could she stepped away from the bed and shoved her stethoscope back into her pocket, turning to fetch Alex's chart that was lying on the cabinet on the other side of the room.

"So" Alex wanted to break the uncomfortable silence that had surrounded them for the last couple of minutes. "How does it look Doctor? Am I still alive?" He asked, sarcastically.

"Barley, but since you're already your cocky and arrogant self again I'm sure you're gonna live!" She joked and Alex threw her a questioning look. "Well, you're temperature is quite high, even for post-op fever, so we're gonna monitor that and I'm gonna get you more antibiotics" Izzie informed him, while putting her pen down and closing the chart.

"You know, we were all really scared Alex!" She told him with a voice that suddenly sounded rather sad and worried.

"I guess so. I'm sorry. But thank you, you know, for being there for me, even if I'm a jerk sometimes."

"Well, we are friends and roommates, and we do all care for you, even if you're a jerk _most _of the time."

"Thanks." He replied, not having the energy to start a fight about what she just said. And he probably deserved it anyway. Maybe the accident was his bad karma coming back around, because he knew he'd done some pretty nasty stuff during their internship.

"So, what is this with you and Satan?" Izzie tore him out of his thoughts.

"Don't call her that!" He spat angrily. "She's not the "ruler of all that is evil", at least not anymore. I know you still hate her because she made you think you killed that baby, but I don't hate her anymore, in fact, I _love _her!"

"Wow, so you're together?" Izzie's eyes widened slightly. She'd never thought that Alex was actually capable to love someone. But when she saw the look on his face, she knew that he was serious about this.

"Yeah, what does it look like? Oh, by the way, where's Grey? I thought the intern went to get both of you?"

"She got a little "distracted" last night!" Izzie told him, using her fingers to indicate speech marks to emphasise the word _distracted. _But she got interrupted by said woman unexpectedly standing in the threshold, looking like she'd just got out of bed with her hair uncontrollably falling out of her ponytail and big black rings under her eyes.

Alex stared at her in disbelieve but started grinning smugly, when he figured out what had happened to Meredith last night.

"Oh I see, there was definitely tequila involved!" He said, looking at Izzie.

"I can hear you, you know!" Meredith told them tiredly.

"Hey Grey, did you bring an inappropriate sleeping partner too ?" Alex asked, still smiling.

"Hey, I did not come here to get insulted! I came to check on you, because your stupid intern woke me up, but apparently you're fine!" She sulked with a raspy voice.

"I'm sorry Mer." He apologized. But before he could say anything else, she spoke up again.

"I threw up on Sloan, at least I think I did, I don't quite remember everything!" She blurted out.

"Seriously? Dude thank you!" He said, with the same cocky grin from before.

"You're welcome. See, even when I'm completely wasted I'm a good friend!" She stated with a wide smile before looking down on Addison. "Is Satan still asleep?"

"Seriously! You have to stop calling her that! It's not funny!"

"Jeez, I didn't now that Evil Spawn could be so uptight!" Izzie said while exchanging a glance with Meredith.

Just then Addison started to stir again and she opened her eyes, looking up at Alex, who was sitting up with a pillow supporting his back.

"Good morning sleepyhead!" He said, smiling down on her.

"You should rest!" She murmured sleepily, when she realised that he was sitting up instead of lying.

"I think I've had enough sleep for some time. But I've got another activity in mind!" He told her with a cheeky grin when he lowered himself a little to kiss her neck. The painkiller Izzie had given him for his headache had already fulfilled his purpose and he was starting to feel like his old self again.

"Yuck! Come on Mer, we're gonna go. I don't want to witness that!" Izzie said with a revolting expression and they both left the room without any further comments.

Alex kept caressing Addison's neck and she had to admit that it felt fantastic to be woken up like that. She suddenly felt all tingly and bothered and knew she had to break it off before they got carried away.

"Alex, stop it!" She warned, but wouldn't move away from the warmth of his body, not even an inch.

"Why? You seem to be enjoying it!" He said confidently.

"Yeah, but we're in the hospital and you just had open heart surgery! That's not a healthy behaviour! You should sleep and let your body relax!" She told him, but he couldn't stop himself from tasting her sweet neck. Even after everything she'd been through last night it still had the odour of her accustomed perfume on it. To him, it was the best scent that had ever crossed his nose and lips.

"Alex stop it, or I'm gonna turn off you're pain med supply!"

Addison had no intention of getting pulled into a naughty make out session, but the truth was, that he wasn't just a talented surgeon but also a very gifted kisser. She'd imagined this so many times, but the reality felt so much better. Addison turned her head unconsciously so that his mouth could meet hers. He got the hint and started nibbling on her upper lip, which drove her crazy, and she had to moan slightly. _Damn he's good_ was all she could think before they got interrupted by a knock and Addison nearly fell out of bed, but luckily Alex was able to grab her before anything happened.

"Busted!" Mark joked with a wide grin on his lips. But unfortunately it wasn't just him, standing in the doorway.

_Rounds! Crap! _She thought while looking at Alex.

"Well, this is awkward!" Another very familiar voice said from the back of the group that was entering the room. Derek made his way to the front, standing next to Mark and clearly enjoying the situation in front of him.

The two of them were accompanied by Richard, Miranda, Preston, Callie and a bunch of interns.

When Addison realised that, she blushed to the deepest shade of red anyone had ever seen. It matched the color of her hair perfectly.

"You are so dead!" She whispered into Alex's ears before she turned her head again to look at all of the visitors.

"Good morning Karev, Addison!" Bailey said, clearly enjoying the awkwardness that was written all across Addison's and Alex's faces. The chief eyed them suspiciously. Apparently he hadn't heard yet, which was quite surprising, considering how fast the rumour mill worked around Seattle Grace.

"Mmh Addison, can you dismount, please?" Derek asked and Addison obeyed immediately, walking over to the untouched bed that was standing next to Alex's and sat down on it. She kept shooting daggers at him with her eyes. But when she thought about the whole situation, it was probably best that everybody knew, because she didn't want to do the "secret-relationship-thing" anyway.

The others then approached Alex, informing him about everything that had happened and what they needed to do, so that he was gonna make a quick recovery. He had known, that it wasn't gonna be easy, since he'd dealt with patients who were in the same situation as him before, but having 5 doctors and some interns looking down on him was intimidating enough to send him back into a lethargic and grumpy mood.

This was when Dr. Bailey cut in. "Alex, would you like us to call your parents or someone who could stay with you?" She asked sympathetically. "I mean, we all know that you don't like to be in the role of the patient, so." but Alex cut her off.

"No!" He said, a little too sharply, so all eyes were darting his way again. "I mean, my mom's too far away and I don't have any friends outside this hospital in Seattle anyway. You don't have to call anyone." He explained while he looked over to Addison with an expression that she had never seen on him before. He looked kind of frightened, begging her to help with his eyes, so they wouldn't ask further questions.

"Dr. Bailey, it's okay, I want to stay here with him anyway." Addison said immediately, after realising that he wanted her to speak up.

"Okay, that's fine with me." Miranda gave in and they all departed, leaving Alex and Addison alone again.

"Thanks" Alex said, clearly relieved that they had left, when Addison moved over to his bedside.

"You're welcome!" She replied, taking his hand and placing a soft kiss on it.

--------------

After Alex had been taken away for another CT and other tests Addison sneaked out of the room. She had seen how his spirit had gone downhill during the consultation and wanted to surprise him when he got back. Now, she just needed to leave without anyone noticing. She knew, she was being a bad patient, but they always said that doctors were the worst of them all, so she felt determined to prove that prejudice. And since they were going to discharge her later that day anyway, there was no real guilt nagging on her.

---------------

About an hour later, Alex returned to his room and was quite disappointed when he found it empty. Well, it wasn't totally abandoned, because there were some charts sitting on the bedside table. When the orderly pushed the wheelchair he was sitting in closer to the bed, he also noticed a little post-it that was taped to the highest chart of the pile. Alex hated the fact, that he was so dependent on assistance, but the broken leg complicated things a lot more than he would have thought. When he was back in bed, he reached over and grabbed the chart with the note on it and smiled while reading it.

_Alex, I had an errand to run, but I'll be back soon! I brought you some charts that need to be updated. But only, if you feel up to it! Love Addison xxx_

_She's amazing_! Alex thought to himself. That was exactly what he needed, since he wasn't able to do any "real" work. It made him feel a little less useless and this would certainly take his thoughts away from thinking about how long he had to stay in the hospital. Even though this was only his first day of recovery, he already hated it. He wasn't supposed to be weak and disabled and Dr. Bailey had been right, he clearly didn't enjoy the role as a patient. He found himself already thinking about different ways to get past the nurses station to the NICU, so he could check on the preemies he'd been treating for the last couple of weeks. Because he hadn't figured out a plan that was going to work yet, he opted to do the charts Addison had left him and picked up the pen that lay next to the folders.

A few minutes later, Alex hadn't even finished overlooking the first chart, the redheaded woman, _his redheaded woman_ appeared in the threshold, dressed in dark blue scrubs and slippers, loaded with a heavy looking backpack and a carrier bag in her left hand.

"Hey! How did you get dressed with a broken arm? Where have you been?" He asked in a huff because he was so happy to see her again.

"You would be surprised about how many things I am capable of Dr. Karev!" She stated with a cheeky grin and took off the backpack that she was wearing on her good shoulder and put down the carrier bag. "I'm just kidding, well not about the _many things_ part, because _I _am good at a lot of things, but Callie helped me to put on scrubs!" She paused a second before continuing.

"I brought you a surprise. Well, actually there are several surprises in there." She said, pointing towards the backpack and the carrier bag.

"Seriously?" He asked.

"Seriously!" She replied before moving over to the bed and pecking him on his lips. "I thought you might like something to eat that doesn't smell like cardboard. And besides, I want you to get all chubby while you're stuck in the hospital, so that we can do _a lot _of exercise once you get your strength back!" She smiled mischievously before pulling out a stack of pancakes and a bottle of syrup.

"Is that a promise Dr. Montgomery?" Alex asked with his trademark smirk.

"Yes, I think it is!" Addison told him before leaning over and stealing another kiss. "I got you some of my medical journals and books for revising too, so you won't get rusty! Oh, and how did the rest of your exams go?" She asked nosily.

"The CT showed no abnormalities. The fever's gone down a little and the pain is controlled with IV meds, so no need to worry about me anymore Addison, I'm gonna be okay!" He informed her. "But fact is, and I really detest that thought myself, that I've got to stay here for quite a while, so I won't be able to take you out on a real date anytime soon."

"Alex, that's okay, I don't mind that you can't do that right now."

"I know, I know, but it hurts my manliness and bruises my ego when I can't get the woman I'm dating what she deserves. And you do deserve the best Addison Montgomery!"

"Well, you're right about that!" She replied sheepishly.

At this time Addison got another idea on how to make Alex's hospital stay a little more comfortable, but she was gonna need some help to accomplish what she had in mind. Before she was able to explore her secret plan any further though, she noticed that Alex had started to dig into the pancakes she placed in front of him. She grabbed the other fork and sat down next to him on the bed, stealing a bite of the delicious pancakes for herself. The chart that Alex had been reading was still lying on his lap and Addison took a quick look, before starting to discuss the various cases with him. After a while they both felt sleepy and wanted to take a relaxing nap together. Addison lay down next to him, in the same position like last night and Alex put one arm around her waist, pulling her as close to his body as possible.

It felt indescribably good to be held by him and the feeling of complete protectiveness sent Addison into a deep sleep.

* * *

**Okay, let me know what you think! Please?! Have a great Sunday everyone! **

**Next up: What is Addison plotting? **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi everyone! I'm finally back with chapter 10! Thanks again to everyone who was kind enough to review the last chapters! It really means a lot to me, to know that people are actually reading and enjoying the story, so THANK YOU!! And please keep it up!! **

**I really need some cheering up, cause it seemed like such along time ago that we actually had some Addex on TV and I can hardly watch PP now that Addie wants to date other men! I just don't see her with Pete or anyone else other than Alex (or maybe Mark) and of course I'm still living in denial and think that she could return to Seattle any day now! **

**Okay enough with the rambling, so here it goes! I hope you like it!**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Addison was discharged later that day, but only after promising Richard that she'd be moving into Callie's hotel room for the next couple of days. So now she was packing up some stuff from her own room to take over to Callie's, which proved to be quite difficult with her right arm in a cast. Since Alex, mostly to his disgust, was gonna spend the next few weeks in a hospital bed, they had arranged for George to sleep in Alex's room at Meredith's house, which strangely had put Izzie in an almost annoyingly cheerful and twitchy mood.

Derek had prescribed her some pain meds for the inevitable headaches that were without a doubt going to occur during the next few days because of the concussion she had sustained in the accident. Luckily she felt just fine, and she suspected that this had something to do with the butterflies roaming through her stomach. Addison wanted to get back to the hospital as fast as possible, so she tried to pick up the pace and threw some of her most casual clothes in the suitcase sitting on the big four poster bed. Who knew that she _actually_ owned sneakers, jeans and sweatshirts? Her colleagues at the hospital would certainly not recognize her at first sight when she was going to walk through the glass doors, dressed in jeans! She giggled at the thought of the glances she had to expect but was really looking forward to showing Alex a side of herself, he'd never seen before. And she also had to talk to the Chief about the surprise she had planned for Alex.

She didn't want him to be alone any more than necessary and silently hoped that she wasn't suffocating him but since he had always been the honest guy, too honest most of the time actually, she knew he'd tell her if that was the case. Addison didn't know when she'd gotten so clingy because she'd always been independent and she certainly wasn't like that during her marriage to Derek, but it had probably something to do with the fact that Alex had just stood on the brink of death last night.

She smiled when she saw that the rain was pouring down outside because it wasn't bothering her anymore. Another sun had risen for her last night and she wanted nothing more than to be close to him and feel the warmth that was surrounding her whenever she locked into his eyes.

It was the kind of warmth that not only heats your body but also your heart.

--------------

Meanwhile back at the hospital, Alex was studying another chart. Well, it wasn't just another chart to him. It was the chart of little baby Sophia. Technically she was a Jane Doe, but Alex wasn't able to deal with that again. She was another abandoned patient in his care and he started to think that in some weird way he attracted them. Why was beyond him but he just had to name her for himself or he feared to be crushed by the weight resting on his shoulders once again.

He'd taken a special interest in her case ever since she'd been admitted to the NICU a few days ago. The poor girl had been found lying under a tree in a park not too far from the hospital. The umbilical cord was still attached when the EMT had placed her in Alex's arms and she just wouldn't stop crying.

Turned out she was born addicted to heroin and even worse, with a heart condition. Her prognosis wasn't good. From what they could tell she had about 1 to 2 weeks to live, unless she got a new heart and that was practically a lost cause because parents hardly ever donate their babies organs. Now he was overlooking her chart and what he saw didn't look good at all.

Just then Dr. Bailey knocked and entered his room to check on him and she was a little surprised about the pile of charts standing on his nightstand and the other pile of books and medical journals on the floor.

"You're already feeling well enough to study Karev? That's a good sign!" She said while coming over to his bedside.

"Yeah, well, Addison gave me these charts to update and I'm kind of freaking out, you know, about being trapped in this room, so it's a good distraction."

"I see, but can you lie back for me for a moment, so I can check your wound?" She asked kindly and he obliged.

"Dr. Bailey" he started "Well, I guess, I owe you a big _thank you_, so thank you, you know, for everything you did yesterday."

"You're welcome Alex." She said while taking the bandages off his chest. Alex turned his head to the left when the wound was uncovered in front of him and Bailey eyed him suspiciously.

"You okay Alex?" She asked while proceeding with her job.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just that those wounds are a lot nastier when you've got one on your own chest!" He said and put on a faked smile.

"Hey Dr. Bailey" Alex asked after Miranda had changed the bandages and was obviously finished with everything else. "Could you do me a favour?"

"That would depend on what you're asking for Karev!"

"Could you find out which resident's in the NICU today and tell him or her to come and see me? I've got a few questions regarding one of Dr. Montgomery's cases."

"Sure. But promise me you're gonna take it slow and stop with the charting when you're too tired because _you_ need to rest, okay?" She told him, channelling "the Nazi" once again.

"Of course" he replied and Miranda left the room.

----------

Just a couple of minutes later, Meredith strolled into his room. She seemed to be oddly happy, almost bright and shiny which Alex noticed instantly since the two of them where in some ways mirror images of each other.

"Hi Alex, how is my favourite patient?"

"Why are you so cheerful?" He asked suspiciously when he saw the wide grin on her face, but the answer popped into his head before she was able to respond.

"Oh you just had sex, didn't you?" and Meredith parted her lips to answer, but Alex cut her off before she could tell him anything.

"Oh, no no no!" He said, holding a hand up in front of him "I really don't wanna hear about your make up sex with your precious Mc Dreamy! I'm not one of your chick friends okay?" And at that she closed her mouth again, but wasn't able to get rid of the sheepish grin.

"Well, I've been assigned to the NICU to replace you, so why did you want to talk to me Alex?" She asked when she realised which chart he had placed in front of him.

"Hey, I've been looking for that all over! How come you've got my patient's chart?"

"Well first of Mer, she is still _my patient_, you just took over for me while I'm stuck in this bed and second, Addison gave it to me so I could do some charting, since I can't do anything else. Look, Meredith" He began after a short pause "I just want to know how she's doing."

Meredith realised that there was something about this little girl that Alex related to when she saw how his big brown puppy eyes practically begged her for a positive answer.

"I'm sorry Alex, she doesn't look good. If we can't find a new heart for her in the next couple of days there's no way she's gonna survive."

"Thanks Meredith" He replied in such a sad tone that goose bumps started to form on her forearms. She just had to ask what this was about.

"Alex do you, I mean, why do you care so much for that baby? I mean I know she's been through hell but we've had that before and you never seemed to be so attached up to now."

He knew that he had to face the answer to that question sooner or later, but still, he was no way near ready to give up this crucial piece of information about his past to anyone.

"Mer, I'm sorry, I can't, I'm gonna tell you someday okay? But I just, I can't, not yet." He stuttered and Meredith knew that this was her cue to leave, so she exited the room and Alex returned his attention to the charts.

-----------------

About a half hour later a redhead marched into Alex's room. She was dressed in blue, worn out jeans, sneakers and a clearly oversized sweatshirt and he had to double-check, but it really was Addison.

She noticed the astonished look on his face and immediately offered an explanation.

"Well, I had to put on something! I couldn't walk into the hospital naked could I?"

And at that Alex's sexy smirk was back, indicating that he was having very dirty thoughts about her. Addison chose to ignore that and went on.

"And also I had to see the Chief about something, so…"

"So?" He asked.

"What?"

"Well, you could get naked now, you know, provide me with some entertainment, because I gotta tell you, being a patient really sucks!"

He gleamed at her with those big brown puppy dog eyes and Addison hat to look away quickly, because the sexual tension was almost perceptible.

"Alex, we've already covered this! I'm not gonna do the nasty with you now! You just had surgery, plus I really don't wanna get caught again! Oh, by the way, thank you for that. I think I've never blushed that much before!"

Addison stepped over to Alex's side before continuing. "And also, I guess we better wait till my arm and your leg are fully functional, cause _I think_ we're gonna need them!"

She bent down so that her lips were almost touching his ear.

"And I promise you Alex, the waiting's gonna be worth it!" She whispered seductively.

"Girl, you're killing me, you know that?" He answered when she withdrew her lips to look at him.

"Payback's a bitch, right?" She answered cheekily.

It was only then that Alex noticed the big suitcase she hat brought with her.

"What's in there?" He asked, pointing his index finger towards the baggage.

"Callie got George to pack some of your clothes, you know, boxers and sweats and stuff like that, cause I thought you would want to cover up that ugly gown."

"You seriously let O'Malley touch my underwear? Ewwwww!!"

"Oh don't be such a baby Alex! And besides, I touched them too when I packed them, so that evens it out right?"

"Fine!" Alex gave in, knowing deep down that she was right and that he really had to grow up, because that's what she deserved.

"Oh and I've got another surprise for you!" She said, suddenly giggling like a little schoolgirl hooked on candy.

"Woman, you're starting to scare me! I don't deserve this and I'm definitely not used to this much affection and care!" He told her sincerely.

"Oh Alex, why do you always think you're not good enough to deserve good things? Well, let's talk about this topic some other time okay? Cause I really want you to see the surprise and trust me, you're gonna like it! I just talked to the Chief and he agreed and even helped me with it!"

"With what?" He asked curiously.

Without another word, Addison left the room and came back in, pulling a big television in the room with her.

"Okay? You got me a TV? Thanks I guess" He said a big amount of disappointment seeping through his voice.

"Yeah, but this one's got a special channel!" She said and tossed him the remote, which landed in his lap. "Press 1!" She ordered and he did as told with a clueless expression on his face, when suddenly a bloody body cavity appeared on the screen. Alex's attention however, was drawn to the voices that were audible next to the constant beeping of a heart rate monitor.

"That's Burke and Cristina!" He stated in disbelieve. "How, did you pull that off? I mean, I didn't even know that this was possible! Is this really what I think it is?"

"Yeah, this is the live coverage of OR 1" Addison explained "So now, when you're friends come in here, bragging about some improbable surgeries they're going to assist on, you'll at least be able to watch and listen to them, since you can't go up to the gallery." She said and watched his face go from totally astonished to an expression she had never seen before. He smirked at her, but it wasn't the usual sexy smirk that made her weak in the knees. There was happiness written all over his features with a big wide smile that almost made him look goofy.

"Wow, Addison, I don't know what to say but thank you, thank you so much!" He said and mentioned for her to come over so he could give her her well deserved reward.

She did as he ordered and sat down next to him on the bed. He carefully grabbed her neck with his good arm and pulled her towards him until their lips finally met. He kissed her with such passion that she thought she was gonna pass out because neither of them would back down and come up for air. Luckily they both decided at the same time that air was necessary to live. Addison lay her forehead on Alex's. They were both panting for a few seconds before Alex spoke up.

"You're just perfect! Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome!" She said while hopping off the bed and returning her attention to the suitcase again. After rummaging for a few seconds she took out a bag full of blueberry muffins and placed it on top of the charts on his bedside table.

"Dude, you weren't kidding about the me-getting-all-fat-and-chubby-part, were you?"

"That's right, and I won't back down I promise, but those aren't from me actually. Stevens baked them for you and asked me to bring them in."

"Okay, now I've got two crazy women force-feeding me unhealthy food?" He asked sarcastically. "Just promise you won't dump me when my pants don't fit anymore!"

"Promise" she answered simply with a grin on her face.

"What's with that grin? You've got something else in there, don't you?" Alex asked and was a little surprised about how well he was able to read her expressions already.

"Well, that depends Dr. Karev, have you been a good patient so far?" She asked with the seductive tone in her voice that only increased his desire for her.

"Yes, you can ask Dr. Bailey! I even let an intern do an exam on me!" He stated like a little boy who proudly presents an "A" from his latest assignment to his parents.

"Yeah, like that's a big achievement!" She smiled sheepishly before unpacking a DVD-Player and a stack of DVD's. "Well, I've got you something not medical related too!" She smiled while handing him some of the DVD's. Alex looked at them. She'd brought him some seasons of "Friends" and some chick flicks.

"I like "Friends"!" He said "But I'm not so sure I'm gonna like that!" He held up "The notebook" for her to see.

"Oh shut up, that's my favourite!" Addison said. "And since you can't really move I'm gonna be in charge of the remote when I'm here with you!" She said and he rolled his eyes at her but Addison chose to ignore that.

"So, you really like "Friends"?" She said, changing the topic.

"Yeah, why not, who wouldn't like them? Besides, the chicks are hot!" At that Addison smacked him on the head playfully.

"Ouch! Remember? Massive concussion!" He said pointing towards his head. Addison however looked down on him impatiently.

"Don't worry Addison, none of them comes even close to you!"

"Thank you" She said, finally satisfied with him. "So what chart were you looking at when I got here?" She asked nosily but when the sparks in his eyes, which she had just managed to lighten up, disappeared immediately and his face drifted from happy to depressing and kind of heartbreaking, she knew.

"Oh, how is she?"

"Meredith just gave me an update. It doesn't look good." He informed her "But maybe you can go up to the NICU later and take a look at her" He suggested, even though he knew that Addison would probably not be able tell him anything else. "But let's just watch some TV now okay?" He said while mentioning for her to come and lay on the bed with him.

"Okay" Addison agreed. It was obvious to her that Alex and that baby had a special bond from the moment he held her in his arms for the first time, there was no doubt about that. It appeared to be even stronger than the one he'd formed with Ava and Addison had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that this went way deeper than he would admit. However, she decided to drop the topic for the moment and nestled closer to his warm frame on the bed. He lay his arm around her shoulders and planted a few kisses on the top of her head before turning his attention to the surgery on the screen and Addison did the same while cocking her head to the side so it rested on his shoulder.

* * *

**Reviews make me all bright and shiny inside!!lol!! Wouldn't it be great if we ****could get over 100 reviews for that fanfic? I'm just saying, that I only have 2 more chapters planned for that story, so it's gonna come to an end pretty soon. But I think I've already got an idea for a sequel (lucky me;)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay, here's my Christmas present for you all! I hope you enjoy it and I hope it helps keeping your Addex-love alive! And you know what would be an awesome Christmas present for me? Reviews of course (only a little hint:p)**

**As always, thanks again so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!**

**addexluv: Thank you so much for beta-reading! I really really appreciate it!**

**BTW, the lyrics are from James Blunt's "Carry you home"**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Alex was holding baby Sophia in his arms. It was getting quite late, so the NICU was basically abandoned except for a few nurses who kept checking on the babies regularly. And even though they were surrounded by quietly sleeping babies the room felt strangely empty and deserted.

Alex was comfortably seated in the rocking chair, his broken leg propped up on the wheelchair in front of him. The white cast that was Callie's finest work slowly became heavier and heavier with every passing minute, but he couldn't get up and leave. Not because it was physically impossible for him to rise from that chair, but because he just simply didn't want to go, despite the fact, that he was still shattered from all the pain meds he got to ease the soreness his broken leg and his healing body provided him with. When he thought about it, he probably hadn't slept that much in years and still there was something keeping him awake enough to take in the picture of the peacefully napping baby girl in his arms. And even though his full attention was given to the little newborn he clearly felt the feminine hand that was resting on his shoulder. Whether it was there for his support or for hers he didn't know anymore. But what he knew was that it had been placed there a long time ago. How long was impossible for him to say, he hadn't checked the watch, but she was still there, here with him and she was never letting him go.

He slowly took his eyes off of the babies frame and turned his head slightly to look up at Addison's tear-stained face. Luckily for him, most of the tears had dried off. He couldn't stand seeing her hurt and miserable, that only increased the pressure on his own tear ducts' but he wasn't gonna break down, not now, not anymore. He gave her an assuring nod while she bent down a little and planted a soft kiss on the top of his head. After Addison had withdrawn her lips again, Alex turned back around and they simply waited.

Waiting for it to come.

Waiting for it to pass.

And waiting for it to be over.

-----------------------

**Trouble is her only friend  
****and he's back again.  
****Makes her body older  
****than it really is.**

_5 hours earlier: _

Callie had finally cleared Alex's shoulder and he was incredibly thankful about that, because now, he was able to get out of that damn hospital bed he'd spent the last 14 days, 10 hours and now exactly 47 minutes in. Of course, time would always fly when Addison was there; but in the hours they were apart it was just pure agony and impatience that clouded his mind. He hated being so helpless and having to rely on other people. That just wasn't him. He wasn't supposed to be weak and fragile. He always had been the strong wrestler that could take care of himself without anyone's help. He certainly had learned how to be independent too soon in his life. He never really got to taste what a normal childhood could have been like. His parents didn't take care of him when he was healthy, let alone when he was sick.

He suddenly remembered the time, he was around 5, when his throat would hurt so badly he could hardly swallow anything. He'd asked his dad to take him to the clinic so that the doctors could make it better, because he hadn't been eating anything in days. Instead of taking him though, his old man just shrugged his shoulders and told him to grow up, and that he should stop whining like a sad little puppy. Alex couldn't take it anymore, and ended up walking about 3 miles down to the closest clinic where his mum had taken him when he needed stitches on his chin only a couple of months prior.

When he got there, he collapsed right in front of one of the doctors and ended up admitted to the hospital for angina, severe dehydration and malnutrition. His parents were notified and social services were called. His parents, however, always knew how to bend the truth. Lying was what his father was best at, and his mom never put her foot down.

Anyway, that was a long time ago, and Alex shook his head as if he could get rid of all those horrible experiences by shaking them away. He was actually happy right now because Addison had just brought in a wheelchair with her. Crutches were also standing in the far corner of his room, but Burke and Shepherd wouldn't let him use them for another few days, saying that if he would fall over there might be complications with the healing process and Alex really didn't want to spend any more time in the hospital than necessary (as a patient of course, not as a doctor ), so he played along nicely.

The wheelchair granted him a little more mobility, even though it was still quite difficult moving around with the big fat heavy cast around his broken leg. However, it was way better than lying on your back, feeling your butt go numb from time to time because of the lack of movement and being monitored, examined, poked, sponged bathed (although that had been kind of fun, since Addison volunteered to do it herself to Alex's delight) and all the other things a patient had to endure from so many doctors and nurses.

**She says it's high time she went away,  
No one's got much to say in this town.  
Trouble is the only way is down.  
Down, down.**

"Okay honey, are you ready for your first stroll around the hospital in a wheelchair?" Addison asked, looking down on Alex who was sitting up in his bed.

"Did you seriously just call me _honey_?" He asked with a slightly revolting expression on his face.

"What's wrong with _honey_? You've called me that before!" She replied

"Yeah, well I don't wanna be called sappy nicknames. You on the other hand, deserve to be called all kinds of lovable and cute expressions that pop into my mind because you're gorgeous." He said with that sexy smirk crossing his lips.

"When you say things like that, you almost make me forget that I once hated you!"

"Oh come on, you never hated me Addison. Admit it, you've always been attracted to me," he said, smiling confidently back at her.

"Okay Mister I-am-playing-hardcore-again-so-noone-will-notice-that-I-actually-do-have-a-soft-side, let's get your butt in that chair!" She smiled sheepishly.

"You mean your butt." Alex stated simply.

"Sorry?" Addison didn't quite get what that comment was supposed to mean.

"You made my ass yours when you signed me on your vagina squad. Don't you remember?"

"Oh, yes, you were a cocky ass all day long, so I assigned you to my service to punish you with _a lot_ of pink and squishy stuff. Well, that worked out pretty well didn't it?" She said while coming closer and pecking him on the lips.

"Okay now, enough with the reminiscing. I can't lift you out of that bed alone, cause you're not the only one who's handicapped here! So if you could please help, I'd _really _appreciate it!" She said sarcastically.

After a few minutes they managed to get Alex out of bed and into the wheelchair without complications. He kept looking back at the crutches, thinking about what a good exercise it would be for his arms to walk around with them, instead of wheeling through the hallways of Seattle Grace like a grandpa. At least he was able to handle the wheelchair by himself.

"Where do you wanna go?" He asked Addison who picked up her bag from the floor.

"Cafeteria?" She suggested. "We don't have to eat anything, we can just grab a cup of coffee and order something later!" She said shrugging her shoulders, because she couldn't come up with a better idea.

"Okay, that's fine by me but I wanna go up to the NICU after that," he said, trying to sound casual, so that Addison wouldn't suspect the real reason he needed to go up there.

The last few weeks he had been interrogating Addison and Meredith constantly about the condition of baby Sophia. He knew that Meredith was taking good care of her but they were still waiting for a heart. The police hadn't found her mother either, so she was all alone, abandoned with no one to hold her once in a while, making her feel wanted.

Addison eyed him sceptically but chose to drop the subject for now. She knew she couldn't pressure him into telling her about his life. It was without a doubt a very fragile topic that she had to approach really carefully. They made their way down to the cafeteria without any interruptions. Alex and Addison ordered some coffee and then chose to sit outside on the patio. It was quite a nice day actually, with only a few big clouds hanging over Seattle.

Alex was clearly enjoying it to be outside again. Feeling the slight breeze on his skin felt weirdly comforting.

Addison noticed that his thoughts had drifted off and reached over to touch his hand. He immediately took her hand into his and she smiled at him.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked nosily

"What a lucky man I am to have you by my side and how nice it is to feel the wind on my skin again!" He answered sincerely.

"Seriously? And that's coming from a pretend bad-boy! You're going soft!" She stated and threw him a mischievous smile.

"Do you want me to go soft?" He asked with a smirk

"Yes, no, maybe a little!" She said and leaned over so she could kiss him again.

"We can talk, you know, you can tell me everything about you." She paused when she saw the sad expression that crept across his face.

"It's just, I don't know much about you and I really want to!" She finished.

"Addison…." Alex began, but was interrupted by the sound of a pager going off. Addison grabbed her purse, swearing slightly under her breath. She wasn't back at work, so the hospital had no business paging her for whatever reason. Especially not when she was having a conversation with Alex.

"It's the NICU." She informed him

"Well, you're not working yet, so why would they page you? There are other neonatal specialists in this hospital," Alex said, trying to convince her to ignore the page and to stay with him.

"I don't know, but I better go and see what they need me for. Are you okay? I'll be back as fast as possible." As much as it hurt her to leave him, the doctor thinking was back again and she knew he'd understand.

"Yeah I'm fine, just go! And can you check on…"

"Baby Sophia, sure! I'd do anything for you!" She said and threw him one last smile before she turned around and walked off.

**As strong as you were, tender you go  
****I'm watching you breathing for the last time  
****A song for your heart, but when it is quiet  
****I know what it means and I'll carry you home**

**I'll carry you home**

When Addison entered the NICU and spotted Meredith and Burke, she immediately knew in front of which incubator they were standing and she dreaded the thoughts of what this might be about. She quickly grabbed a blue gown and put it on, hoping, no praying, that her fears weren't right, that she wouldn't see what she expected, but was in no way ready to see, when she crossed the room to stand beside them.

---------------

Alex got bored really quickly. It seemed like he had finished his coffee ages ago and he was asking himself why he hadn't brought down something to read.

_Right, because I thought I could spend some time with my girlfriend_! He thought to himself sarcastically.

Instead, due to his regained mobility, he decided to go on a stroll by himself. He was wheeling through the hallways aimlessly, trying not to bump into anything or anyone with his broken leg. He didn't meet Izzie or any other fellow residents but strangely enough, he found himself in front of the NICU only a few minutes later. That was definitely not intended, because he knew, if he was gonna go in there all the pain and all the hatred would rise inside of him again. However it felt like something was drawing him there, even though he couldn't make out what it was at first, when he saw Burke, Meredith and Addison standing next to Sophia's incubator he knew that something was off and his heart sank.

He choose to stay at the threshold and listened closely

"Her heart rate's slowing with every passing minute Dr. Montgomery," Meredith informed her. Addison was pressing the neonatal stethoscope to the baby's chest, listening intently. When she'd finished her examination Addison took her gaze off the baby's frame and looked up at Burke.

"What do you think Preston?" She asked hopefully.

"I think that she's not strong enough to survive a heart transplant anymore, even if we should get one in the next couple of hours." He stated compassionately.

Addison quickly looked away. This was gonna hurt Alex pretty badly.

Before Addison could say anything, her thought about how she was gonna tell him were gone because his voice suddenly erupted through the room.

"No, you can't do that!" Alex shouted and startled all three of them because they hadn't been aware of his presence.

"Al.." Addison said but he cut her off.

"You can not do that!" He repeated again, wanting to make his statement even clearer. "She's only a little girl. She needs to have a chance, please don't give up on her, she deserves a chance!" He said with a shaky voice.

Addison quickly crossed the room and kneeled down in front of him.

"I'm so sorry Alex, but there.." He cut her off again, pushing her away with his right arm.

"No, you can't just let her die!" He shouted again and got up from the wheelchair in an attempt to get closer to the incubator. Addison had gotten up again trying to support him by grabbing his arm but before she knew what was happening Alex had stumbled and fallen over, landing ungracefully on his stomach on the cold linoleum floor.

"Alex!" Addison and Meredith screamed simultaneously and Meredith, who was still standing next to Burke, rushed to his side immediately.

**If she had wings she would fly away,  
And another day God will give her some.  
Trouble is the only way is down.  
Down, down.**

Alex wasn't able to tell how long he'd been unconscious, but since he could hear the sound of feet running towards where he was lying, it couldn't have been very long. He tried to roll over, but the heavy cast prevented him from doing so. Addison's and Meredith's panicked voices echoed through the room, calling his name and he opened his eyes to let them know that he was alert. This fall however had done nothing for his still persisting concussion. His head started pounding and after they had managed to roll him onto his back the pain only seemed to amplify.

"Alex?" Addison questioned carefully and he opened his eyes again to look into hers. She looked terrified and placed her hand on his forehead.

After taking a few seconds to regain his power of speech Alex was finally able to utter a response.

"Addison?"

"Yeah Baby I'm here! Are you hurting anywhere?" She asked, ignoring his previous demand not to call him sappy nicknames.

"No 'm fine, just a little headache that's all!" He said, pushing himself up to a sitting position.

"Any chest pain Karev?" Burke, who was kneeling on Alex's other side asked concerned.

"No, I told you, I'm fine!" He snapped at his superior.

"Alex, let me check your pupils!" Meredith said sternly. She was kneeling next to Addison, fishing the little torch out of her scrub pocket.

"I told you…" Any further protest was cut off by Addison's pleading voice.

"Alex, please! You hit your head pretty hard!" She said and he silently cursed himself for not being able to say no to her.

"Fine" He muttered grumpily before Meredith leaned in and pointed the light at his eyes.

"Pupils are reactive, but maybe we should get a CT, just to be sure." She said, looking at Addison.

"I don't need another damn CT! I'm fine, it's her you should be worrying about!" Alex barked at all of them, pointing his finger towards Sophia's incubator. "Now, would someone please help me up?" He demanded angrily and Burke and Meredith pulled him to his feet and helped him sit down in his wheelchair.

Alex rubbed his temple with both of his hands, trying to figure out something, anything that could help her, that could save her.

"What are we gonna do now?" He asked calmly, trying to hide the pain and anger that was still rising inside of him, because he couldn't come up with any solution for the infant's problems. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't just build her a heart. Alex wheeled over to Sophia and stretched his hand out to stroke the babies head.

"Alex…" Addison began hesitantly, because she didn't want to upset him even more.

"We've done everything we can for her." She crossed the room to stand behind him, resting her hand soothingly on his shoulder.

It was painful to watch as he slowly lost control over the emotions he had bottled up for such a long time. His eyes were focused on the little baby in front of him, trying to hide the tears that were building up. The little girl was gripping his pinkie tightly.

"Alex, what's this all about?" Addison asked.

He didn't respond, but kept staring at the baby.

_Please Alex don't pull away from me, I want to help you! Please let me in and don't push me away. _Addison hoped

Alex felt the invisible walls he'd been building up all his life slowly closing in on him.

Addison looked over to Burke and Meredith, giving them an apologetic look. Luckily they realized that this war their cue to leave, so they did.

She returned her attention to Alex, but this time, she kneeled down in front of him, looking into his chocolate brown eyes. They were weirdly glazed over and he was staring into space now.

"Alex, please tell me. What is this about?" Addison asked again, rubbing his knee in the process.

Alex felt like he was suffocating, he wanted to speak but couldn't utter a single word.

"Please Alex, I can help you!" She said a little bit more forcefully. Apparently it had worked, since he turned his head back to look at her.

"You can't help me. No one can help me. I'm such a screw up," he said with resignation.

_I can't tell her, she wouldn't want to be with me anymore if she knew. She can not know. _

After that statement his glances were unfocused again, shooting in all directions like he was a frightened animal and it physically hurt her to see him like this. He was obviously in a big amount of emotional pain, fighting with his brain whether or not he should tell her what was on his mind. Finally, Addison couldn't hold back the big fat tear that slowly made its way down her cheek.

Alex noticed that and for one split second their eyes connected again.

"Alex please talk to me, or if you don't wanna talk to me, you should talk to someone, maybe a psychiatrist, because there's something really hurting you and I can't take seeing you like this. It hurts me. You know you can tell me anything, I promise I won't hate you. I LOVE YOU." She muttered through sobs and Alex, who was slowly coming out of the trance he'd been hiding in, placed a hand on her cheek and wiped away her tears.

"I…. I…. thought that those things wouldn't happen to me anymore, now that I'm a doctor, but I still can't save her. I'll never be able to save her." He stuttered those sentences and Addison couldn't make any sense out of them.

"Save who?" She asked cautiously.

"My sister." Alex spoke softly.

**As strong as you were, tender you go.  
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.  
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,  
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.  
I'll carry you home.**

The sound was barely audible but Addison had heard it and flinched at this sudden revelation. She looked up and saw how tears formed in Alex's eyes and were finally released, taking the paths down both of his cheeks before silently falling into his lap.

This was shocking Addison in a way she definitely hadn't expected. His elbows were sitting on his lap and he let his face fall into his hands, trying to hide the tears from her.

"She looks exactly like her, you know, with the raven black hair that's already quite long considering her age." He told Addison and she gave him an encouraging smile when he looked up at her.

"Was she named Sophia too?" Addison asked, hoping that she didn't overstep any boundaries.

"No, she didn't have a name. My parents didn't give her a name but I named her for me. Sophia."

"That's a beautiful name."

"Can I hold her?" Alex asked hopefully. Addison nodded. He carefully reached into the incubator and picked her up supporting her head, and placed the baby on his arm, cradling her close to the warmth of his body.

Alex seemed to have gotten his composure back as he watched the child sleeping peacefully in his arms. He knew he had to tell her. She deserved to know, because he loved her more than anything.

"My dad was an abusive bastard. He hit me and my mother on a regular basis. It started when I was around 6 or 7 and only seemed to get worse with every passing year." Alex told her quietly.

Addison swallowed hard but didn't say anything.

"When I was 10, my mum got pregnant again. This really pissed my dad off. He barely brought enough food on the table for the 3 of us, how was he supposed to feed another baby? Well, if you ask me, he could have just kicked his drug and drinking habit and spend the money on his family instead of his stash, but like I said, he was a cold hearted bastard."

Alex paused for a second, giving Addison time to digest everything and he was pretty sure that he had scared her away for good. This had to be too much for any person.

"He wanted her to get an abortion, but she said no. This was the only time I ever saw her standing up to him. He still kept beating her though, not even the life of an unborn was able to stop him." Alex could see how tears made their way down Addison's cheeks but he had to go on. He'd never talked about this with anyone and he was glad that it was her and not some random shrink he didn't even know. Addison reached forward to touch his arm and squeezed it lightly.

"Alex, I'm so sorry" Addison said mumbled through sobs. She could only assume how hard it was for him to talk about that.

"Don't be. At least not until you've heard the rest of this story. Hey I think it would make an awesome Hollywood movie script, don't you think?" He forced a smile on his face and she did the same.

"She was eight months along when she got into pre-term labour. After another beating of course" He added. "My dad just took off, but not before telling her that she only got what she deserved. I called an ambulance and they took us to the hospital. The baby was delivered a few hours later and I was excited about being a big brother. I swore to myself that I would protect her from him. I wouldn't let him hit her too. However, since we didn't have insurance, there had been no pre-natal care and my little sister wasn't healthy, so they took her away."

Alex shifted slightly in his seat. Wheelchairs really weren't all that comfortable he thought.

"I sneaked off to the NICU, after my mum had fallen asleep and there I saw him again. My father was talking to one of the doctors, playing Mister super-dad. Lying was what my family was best at!"

Addison just looked at him and he had no idea what she was thinking.

_Poor Alex. I just wanna hug him, but that would probably be too much. I just have to let him finish first. _

"I eavesdropped on them and heard how they were discussing her condition. The doctor told my dad that she wouldn't survive with the heart she had now. He further told him that they were gonna put her on the transplant list, but that it didn't look good. And then my dad told the doctor to cut off all life preserving measures, said he didn't want her to suffer." Alex snorted with disgust.

"I just didn't want to believe it, so I went in and stood in front of the incubator, watching her sleep. She looked so beautiful and it's freakin unbelievable how much she resembles this baby." He told her nodding towards the infant on his arm. "I kept hoping that she would get a new heart, so she could come home with me. Suddenly, my dad spotted me and came in, grabbing my arm roughly and he pulled me away from her. I fought him but he was just too strong for me at that age. He told me to say goodbye to my sister, because I was never gonna see her again. I gave in, because I was scared but if I had just fought harder, I could have saved her."

He took his free hand and began to stroke little Sophia's head with it.

"She had to die all alone, Addison! I shouldn't have left her. I should have been there to protect her!"

Alex looked up at Addison insecurely and was taken aback when he saw that she looked like she was gonna faint any second. All the colour was drained from her face, but the tears kept quietly running down her cheeks. She quickly used the sleeve of the gown to wipe them away, leaving black mascara stains on it.

"Thank you," she simply said, smiling at him through unshed tears, taking his hand into hers.

"Alex, I'm so sorry, If I had known that, I would have never made you work in the NICU, I swear!" She apologized.

"Don't say that Addison, because I'm not sorry at all. Working with you was the best thing I've done in this hospital. I haven't screwed up, like I did in the other departments and like you said, there's nothing better than watching a baby heal and go home." He broke off, suddenly realising again, that this baby wouldn't heal and she wouldn't be able to go home, wherever her home would have been.

"How long do you think..?"

"I don't know. It can still take a couple of hours before her heart gives up completely."

"I want to stay with her. She shouldn't have to die alone. I don't want her to be scared." He said looking up at Addison's still tear-stained face.

"Alex, I don't know if that's a good idea. I'm worried about you, you're really wound up and upset and that's not good for your healing process."

"Addison, you're not my doctor! Please, let me do this, I need to do this to put it behind me, please," he begged.

"Okay." She gave in.

"I love you Addison. I thought I wasn't able to love anyone the way I love you, but I do." He smiled at her again.

"I love you too." She replied and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "Thank you so much for letting me in."

Addison kissed him on the lips again and pulled away.

"Alex?" She asked, getting his attention immediately.

"Yeah?"

"You would have made an incredible big brother." She got closer and hugged him tightly, being mindful of the little baby that was still napping in his arm.

----------------------------

**As strong as you were, tender you go.**

_Now:_

For an outsider, this could have easily looked like picture perfect. A mum and a dad welcoming their newborn into the world but unfortunately, they weren't the babies parents and instead of welcoming her they were saying goodbye and hoped that there was a better place waiting for her.

**I'm watching you breathing for the last time.**

Alex suddenly felt, how the babies shallow breathing slowed down with every inhalation of air and he bent down, placing a gentle kiss on the babies forehead.

**  
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,**

Addison smiled for a second, thinking about what a great dad Alex would one day become. She was sure that he would never turn out like his father. The way he had fought for his sister and the way he had fought for this baby showed that he was able to commit as only a great parent could.

**  
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.**

After waiting a few more minutes Addison left her position behind Alex. She moved over to the incubator, grabbed the neonatal stethoscope that was lying on top of it and kneeled back down in front of Alex and the baby. She placed the cold metal on Sophia's chest and sadly her suspicion was confirmed.

"Alex, she's gone." Addison told him with a gentle voice. She then looked up to the man she loved and saw how another tear made its way down his face.

Addison called a nurse to take her away and Alex places one last kiss on the top of her head before handing her over. He looked really worn out and shattered and Addison feared that he might pass out any second from exhaustion, but instead of lifting himself up from the rocking chair, he took Addison's hand and pulled her down, so that she was sitting on his good leg and looked up into her eyes.

"Addison, I love you. Thank you so much, I would never have gotten through this without you."

He pulled her even closer and kissed her passionately this time. After a minute or so, Addison stopped and looked down on him.

"I love you too," she replied and hopped off his lap. "Come on, let's get you back into bed, _honey_!" She teased and helped him back into the wheelchair before pushing him back to his room.

Addison spent the night lying next to Alex who had fallen asleep practically the moment he lay down in his bed. She couldn't describe how thankful she was about that, because now, he didn't need to worry about anything that had gone down today. He looked so peaceful and she hoped that he was dreaming about something that made him happy before she cuddled closer to his body. His warmth surrounded her within seconds and she joined him in a deep and comfortable sleep.

I'll carry you home.

* * *

**Seriously! That chapter was even longer than the 7th! I didn't think I'd be capable of writing an even longer one, but this is it! Hope you liked it. I know it's pretty dark and twisty, but Addison just needed to know what Alex had been through. I believe that they're even closer now after he let her in and she's the only one who knows! Please don't throw things at me for killing the baby off though;-)! I know it's sad but it had to match the story with his sister!**

**And since I probably won't be able to update before the holidays, I wanna wish you all a Merry Christmas!**

**Christine**


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay, so I decided to end this story here. I was kind of disappointed that I only got 2 reviews for my last chapter, which took me an awful lot of time to write. So this is the last chapter of "Feeling"! Thank you all for sticking around and reading it and I hope I'm gonna get more reviews for this one! Oh and Happy New Year to everyone!**

* * *

**Chapter 12 - Epilogue**

**8 weeks later: **

„ALEX!!" Izzie screamed from the kitchen at Meredith's house in which she was currently cocking breakfast for all of her friends. "You're gonna be seriously late for your physical therapy appointment."

When after waiting a few minutes she still didn't hear him come out of his room she decided to kick his ass out of bed herself.

Izzie and Meredith had been trying to take care of Alex ever since he was discharged from the hospital, with the emphasis on _trying_. He wouldn't let them do anything except cook for him and drive him to his appointments because their constant interpretation of "mother hen" annoyed him to no end. He wasn't a kid and was perfectly capable of doing things by himself. Addison was the only one he wouldn't snort at when she reminded him of some pre-op instructions he needed to follow. Izzie and Meredith however were just suffocating him and this was seriously getting on his nerves. He knew that they only meant good, but enough was enough.

Izzie stomped upstairs, already a little irritated for being ignored by her stubborn roommate once again.

"ALEX!" She nearly screamed, so she could be certain that he had heard her and knocked on the door, but there was no answer.

Izzie started to grow worried again. A thing she had done a lot during the past few weeks, ever since the accident and then again after she'd heard of the drama that took place in the NICU. _What if he's not well?_ She asked herself and nearly walked away but then took the door-handle and pressed it down

"Alex, I'm coming in" She warned him and entered the room.

However, the moment Izzie turned her head towards the bed she wished a fissure would just open up beneath her feet and swallow her whole. Addison, clearly naked, was straddling Alex, who had his hands occupied somewhere Izzie absolutely didn't want to know anything about. Worst of it, they hadn't even noticed her enter the room until she started swearing.

"Holly mother! You've got to be kidding me! It's like 7 in the morning!" She said, using one of her hands to cover her eyes like she could just get those images out of her head by simply leaving it there, while storming out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her and resting her back on the wall opposite Alex's threshold.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked curiously while crossing a disturbed looking Izzie in the hallway.

"I just walked in on Alex and Satan doing the nasty nasty!" She explained.

"Oh, well, they're bound to be desperate" Meredith said sympathetically. Imagining 2 months without sex was a thought she definitely didn't want to prologue any longer than necessary.

"We can hear you, you know!" Came the retort from Alex's room.

Izzie and Meredith started giggling in the hallway and Addison lay down next to Alex, resting her head on his chest.

"Maybe we should think about getting our own place!" Addison told him while pulling the comforter closer to cover them both up. She was clearly still recovering from the shock of being caught in the act.

"I think that's a great idea!" Alex smirked at her before pulling her up so he could kiss her passionately once more.

--------------------

An hour later, Addison was sitting in her office, with newspapers spread all over the floor. She figured instead of hanging out in the waiting area, she could just use the time and already start looking for apartments. She was just turning a page when Callie poked her head in.

"Hey Addison!" She greeted her friend "What are you doing?" She asked curiously, while looking at the mess in her friends office, which usually was so freakishly organised and neat.

"I'm looking for an apartment. I need to get out of that hotel and I definitely don't want to live at my ex-husbands girlfriend's house. Besides Stevens walked in on us this morning!" She explained to her friend. After pulling a face she sat down next to Addison.

"Okay, I can help if you want. I don't have another surgery for an hour!" Callie offered. "What are you looking for?"

"3 bedrooms, close to the hospital." She told her and turned another page

"Geez, 3 bedrooms, seriously? Do you want to pop babies out that soon?"

"No! Calliope – I always forget what you're middle name is, but it's definitely something weird – Torres! It's just a precaution!"

"Okay!" Callie gave in, smiling away with a wide grin on her face.

After about an hour of looking through the papers they had managed to find about 10 flats that Alex and Addison were gonna check out and only a few minutes later said mancandy walked in on his crouches. He looked tired and immediately lowered himself onto Addison's couch without saying a single word.

"That bad?" Addison asked compassionately and walked over to him.

"Yeah. I hate physical therapists. They're like sadists escaped directly from hell. I'd chose Dr. Bailey's intern-torture a thousand times over this if I had a choice!"

"I think Callie and I found something to cheer you up." She said, sitting down beside him. We found some apartments that would suit us and we can go an have a look at them today!"

He smiled at her "You're right, that does cheer me up!"

----------------------

It was definitely not what they had imagined. It sucked, it really sucked, cause there was always something wrong with either the apartment or with the parking or with the view or with whatever there could be wrong, so they got tired of apartment-hunting very quickly. Alex wouldn't have been that picky of course, but since Addison was probably gonna be the one to pay for most of the rent, he wanted to let her decide and he wanted her to feel at home, wherever they were gonna live. She hadn't really had a home ever since leaving New York and Alex wanted to change that.

After having just been to another 2 apartments without any luck, they sat in Addison's new car, drinking coffee.

"God, why can't we find the perfect apartment?" Addison asked. "Grey's house would be perfect. Can't we just kick her and Stevens out and take it for ourselves?" Addison asked teasingly.

"We're gonna find something Addison, just keep the faith!" He promised her. "Sooner or later we'll find the perfect place. You just have to be patient!" He said, while cupping her cheek with his hand.

"I know, but I happen to be a very impatient person" She replied.

A few more weeks passed without any luck and so one day Addison decided that it was time to take matters into her own hands. Alex's 30th birthday was approaching now and she was determined to get him what they both wanted so badly.

------------------------

**October 11, 2007**

Addison had snuck out of work early. Considering she still wasn't able to perform surgeries this actually turned out to be easier than she would have thought. She quickly headed towards the resident's lounge before leaving and taped a little note to Alex's locker. The chief had just a week earlier agreed to let him come back to work and Addison had made sure that their schedule overlapped so that he was still stuck at the hospital and she had enough time to get everything ready for the big surprise.

2 hours later Alex had finally finished his shift and was looking forward to an evening spent in the hot tub of his girlfriend's hotel room, together with his beautiful redheaded girlfriend. He had nothing planned for today, Addison was actually the only person in Seattle that knew that it was his birthday.

However, when he reached his locker and discovered the card with his name on it, his plans were thrown out of window. He immediately identified the neat handwriting as Addison's

_Hi Babe. Follow the instructions to the place on the map. Meet me there at 8 pm! Love you. Addison xxx_

He was a little confused now but Addison, how he had discovered during their relationship, was always good for a surprise. He just hoped that this surprise involved wine, candles and his girlfriend in some sexy lingerie.

So he did as he was told and drove to the place on the map. When he got there he was even more puzzled than before. Addison's car was nowhere to be seen. Plus this didn't exactly look like the kind of area where one was gonna find a place to stay for only one night. There were little terraced houses lined up next to each other, with homey looking porches. He parked his car on the side of the road and waited for Addison to show up. Only a couple of minutes later she knocked on his window, mentioning for him to get out. She kissed him quickly before taking his hand and leading him towards the closest house. Standing in front of the door she handed Alex a golden key.

"Happy Birthday Alex!" She said with a huge grin on her face and when Alex looked up from the key she had placed in his hand she couldn't do anything else but giggle like a little schoolgirl. He looked like he was gonna faint any second, because he just couldn't believe this was actually happening. It took him a few seconds to form any kind of thoughts or emotions and when his jaw just dropped down in astonishment Addison urged him to open the door and go inside.

"Addison.." was the only thing he could say before she took the key back impatiently, unlocked the door and opened it for him.

"There you go, now move!" She ordered and they stepped inside.

Alex was still too baffled to understand what was actually going on. He was standing in the hallway of this little house that looked so beautiful, so welcoming and so perfect.

"Now! Say something! Do you like it?" Addison asked desperately trying to get an answer out of her boyfriend.

Alex looked at her and Addison stared back at him and he knew if he wasn't gonna say anything soon, she was gonna kick his butt.

"You, you bought a house?" He asked

"Yes you idiot! I bought us a house. What do you think?" She repeated and he turned around, taking in the hallway in which they were currently standing in. To his left he discovered a lovely looking kitchen and when he gazed down to the end of the hallway he made out the sitting room of the house.

"It's, it's perfect Addison!" He was finally able to say something that satisfied her and pulled her into a tight hug and kissed the top of her head.

"Okay then, let me give you the grand tour!" She said and took his hand, leading him to every room. The kitchen was huge with a big island in the centre of it, the sitting room had a fireplace, there was a little room they could use as their office and also a little toilet and upstairs was one bedroom with adjoined bathroom, another bathroom and 2 more bedrooms.

"There's also the loft we could convert into another room if we need it" She told him and they walked back into the kitchen.

"That's such a nice house Addison, but you really shouldn't have!" He told her again.

"Stop it Alex, it's not just for you, it's for me too. Besides, I just sold my house in the Hamptons, because I don't intend to go back there ever again, because I wanna start a knew life with you, here in Seattle!" She said and started kissing him once more, letting her hands glide over his cropped hair that she craved to feel and rested them on the back of his neck.

"We still need to buy furniture though but I didn't want to pick that out by myself, in case you didn't like my taste!" She said, kissing him on his cheek.

"Oh I do love you're taste, and I'm not just referring to your taste in houses and furniture!" He said seductively and lifted her up, so she was seated on the kitchen island. He pushed her legs apart, so that he could stand even closer to her and pressed his head to her chest for a moment, listening to her already erratic breathing.

"Alex, you naughty boy you!" Was all she could say though before Alex's lips crushed hers in a passionate fight for control. He forced his tongue into her mouth, taking in the smell and taste he'd longed for all day and she groaned in disappointment when he pulled away from her. He had just started to unbutton her shirt when she smiled down at him.

"What?" He asked "We need to celebrate this properly!" Came the cheeky answer and Addison moaned when his mouth found its way to her neck and started nibbling on it.

"Hey, I'm not complaining!" She replied and kissed the top of his head.

They didn't know yet, that something else, something even more beautiful had happened that night too.

**November 1, 2007:**

"So, that's the last one" Alex said while putting another box down in the hallway of their new home. He smiled when he counted them. There were 3 boxes labelled "Alex" and 30 boxes labelled "Addison". Luckily she had made sure that their bedroom had a huge walk in closet but now Alex feared he wouldn't get any space at all in said closet.

They still hadn't been able to buy all the essential furniture but they had managed to go out and purchase a bed, a mattress, a kitchen table and some chairs which would do for just now.

Alex slowly walked into the sitting room and found his girlfriend staring towards the little backyard that also belonged to the house. He came closer and pressed his front to her back, resting his hands on her stomach.

"How did we get here Alex?" She asked melancholically

After contemplating the question for a moment he answered.

"Well, I'd say, a certain redhead wrapped me around her finger and made me fall in love with her!" He answered.

"Do you think the little one will like it here?" Alex nodded heavily.

"I'm sure the little one will love it here!" He told her, resting his head on her shoulder, pressing his hands a little tighter around her belly.

"We're gonna be a family!" She said, like she had only just realised now that in about 8 months there would be a tiny version of both of them brought into this world and she turned around to face the father of her unborn child.

"Yes, we're gonna be a family!" He repeated and kissed her with everything he had to give.

_The End_

* * *

**Author's note:**

**Yay, so I got Addison pregnant (Well, not me, cause that would be impossible, but Alex did a good job;)! And now you can probably figure out by yourself what the sequel is gonna be about! I haven't written the first chapter yet, but I've put together a plan for the whole story and it looks like it's gonna have about 9-10 chapters. It's gonna be called "Never gonna leave your side" and I'm gonna try to finish the first chapter asap, promise, just look out for it, or put me on your Author-Alert-List if you want to be sure!**

**A big thank you to everyone who reviewed this story! I'm excited every time I check my e-mails and there are review-alerts in it! So THANK YOU!**

**And the biggest THANK YOU goes to Suz who beta-read practically the entire story for me! Thank you so much for your suggestions and encouraging comments. I know you're life has been really stressful in the past months so I appreciate you doing this even more!**

**And please, pretty please, leave a review for this last chapter and tell me whether you liked it or not! This story has been really challenging, especially towards the end and it kind of took a life of its own, since I didn't really want it to go that way, because I originally planned something totally different. It's just funny how it works sometimes, isn't it?**

**Well, okay, I hope I'm gonna hear from you all! I know I haven't been the best reviewer myself, but I'm working on that (My New Year's resolution;)!**

**- Christine**


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